Archives for the month of: June, 2014

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Have you ever had to swallow a big slice of “humble pie” and it went down like glass? I mean it was such a beautifully decorated piece of pie but the taste was awful! Something you never would touch again, something you’d warn your friends about when they got a plate to get a slice? Well I’m glad because I’d like to change your mind and ask you to try many slices because there is growth and lessons in each bite.

 

For quite some time I’ve been praying for God to help me change, help me grow and just do a total work in me. The shock was in how much I’d have to change the person I’d always been. I was raised very well, great person, would give you the shirt off my back, run across a busy freeway to rescue you BUT I was broken in many ways. Even with all those qualities, I needed a touch from God and at one point fought the process. Lately, I’ve been praying for God to convict me in gossiping, my “potty” mouth, parenting and in my areas that could be harmful to my future spouse. What I didn’t know was how hard it would be and how defensive I’d become when he did check me on it.

A few weeks ago I was engaging in a conversation FULL of gossip, I mean just laughing, enjoying, going back and forth with new developments and all in. Clear as day, as if God were on three way with me I heard ” That’s gossip”! Ohhhhh that smile wiped from my face, the laughter stopped abruptly and I immediately started correcting the conversation and got out of it. When I hung up, I started making excuses for the behavior and it felt so wrong but I felt like “God understands, he knows my heart”. Did I even know my own heart in the moment? No! 

Also, with my daughter I’ve been facing some challenges with giving her my full time. Yes, I’m getting better daily but I did make up lots of excuses to hide my mess. The pride in my heart was saying, I raise her alone, she’s with me everyday, I deserve some time to “be an adult” and she is just going to have to find something to occupy herself  sometimes. The conviction God gave me was, you aren’t spending as much time with her as you can, she is a child so you have to nurture her and even though she is with you daily, if you push her away she is going to feel unwanted, unimportant and like your “adult time” is more important than listening to her 30 second story. This is so raw for me to write but it is my TRUTH and I’m better because of God humbling me. Now I make it a conscience effort to hold her, kiss her, sing silly songs with her, tell her I love her, give her my undivided attention and erase the adult time to cater to her and connect with her. Yes it IS work, yes it IS challenging BUT I’m working daily to do it, I’m praying hard to continue doing it, I’m joining parenting plans in my bible app that remind me of the gift that she is and all children are.

Another area is my “potty” mouth and yes I’m totally embarrassed about it and you better believe I’m praying for God to cleanse me of it. Back in the days where I wasn’t so open to having a relationship with Christ, just identifying myself as Christian I wasn’t ashamed of it. I felt like the curse words just finished a sentence so perfectly and meant not to mess with me. I remember sitting in the cafeteria of my college, just cursing up a storm, laughing and a lady from my church went there and turned around and said “Who doing all that cussing”? I said with such pride “ME! Oh yea girl I cuss like a sailor, I don’t give a….” You finish the sentence but I’m typing this right now feeling sooooo embarrassed BUT GOD! I’ve been working to curve it and a lady at my church told me it’s work and to pray about it. You NEVER understand the impact of your behaviors and words until God completely wrecks you and puts you in the situation to hear someone else speaking the way YOU once did. Now, it just stings my eardrums and I see how ignorant I sounded and what horrible example I was setting for my own daughter and it checks me. 

The last thing I’ll discuss is working on areas in myself that could be harmful to my future husband. I’m the first to tell you I’m believing God for a God-lead, God-fearing, totally submitted to God husband! In the past I didn’t think I could do ANY wrong because I was “so good” to my boyfriends. I had been jaded so I went into relationships with trust issues, thinking I was perfect and even belittled one of my exes. I thought foolishly if you were “good in bed” (shouldn’t of been engaging in premarital sex), could throw down in the kitchen (doing a married woman’s duty), treated them well and would be there through thick and thin, I was IT! Like the total package, can’t nobody touch this, no competition. Now I missed the fact that COMMUNICATION was big, with no trust there is no relationship, belittling a man will only drive him away and “good sex” won’t make him stay. Now in doing my work and reading my word I understand that a marriage is sacred to God, it’s going to be constant compromise, sex is for marriage (been celibate for 2 1/2 years), a SOLID relationship with Christ is going to hold us together when we feel like falling apart and God has to be our foundation. I understand communication is going to be key because if we hold in our struggles, we’ll resent each other, become disconnected and infidelity may occur. I also understand to create a place of peace in our home, no man wants to walk into hell after a long day of work! Even guard our threshold, not to let any and everybody trail through our house because I don’t know what spirits may come in with them. I won’t write all the things God has given me in this area but these are the most important.

Had I not taken time to seek God to become better I wouldn’t of gotten to this very place. Pride is a VERY dangerous and nasty thing to operate out of. God said in his word that it’ll destroy us so we can’t afford to stay in such a nasty area. If you are struggling with pride I encourage you to just fall on your knees and pray. Cry out to God, repent, ask him to change your heart and just touch you in a special way. He’s waiting on you to get in his presence and ask for help! Don’t leave him there waiting, run to him and get that comfort and healing only he can give. He wants you to be better, he wants you to grow stronger in your walk and he loves you. He knows you’ll fall short, yet he loves you unconditionally anyway. Nurture that relationship with him, dedicate your entire being to him and watch how he changes you. You won’t even recognize yourself once he starts shaping and molding you into his beautiful image. 

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So I know first hand how hard it is to wait on God to reveal his plans for our lives. You get impatient, you get discouraged, you get stressed and possibly depressed but trust his timing. This last week hasn’t been easy for me, I’ve had my health come under attack and it has left me a little sad. While going through the motions and the days of sadness I just ran across this verse. Jeremiah 29:11 which reads; for I know the thoughts that I think toward you, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you an unexpected end. Doesn’t it seem as though God is punishing you at times? The hell rages on, the bad news just keeps coming and you don’t know where to turn besides right back to the same God, you may be doubting. Well hopefully after this blog you can be encouraged that God is standing right there and has good plans for your life.

 

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For about a year I’ve been seeking employment, praying for things my heart desires but never stopped doing my own self work. I realized I had some things I needed to work on before I could even think of asking God for more. I’ve been doing that work and still praying daily and at times I’ve gotten discouraged but I understand God has a plan. Now if it was my plans, I’d be married, working, living on my own and enjoying an abundant life with no worries. With God, that just isn’t his plan, even in my discouragement I could look back and say God isn’t going to leave me hanging. All my needs were met but he still is doing a work in me and requiring more of me before he can elevate me. At times it has felt like I’ve been left right in the middle of Hell, he turned his back on me but the truth is, he didn’t. God has a way of humbling us and bringing us right back to him.  I have a couple tips for you in your times of trouble and will hopefully giving you a new perspective. 

Tip 1: Increase your faith, decrease your thoughts: When you are thinking too much and fussing at God you are giving the devil glory. Set your faith in motion and start claiming your freedom from the situation right now! God hears every prayer and just because he hasn’t answered them right now doesn’t mean he isn’t going to answer them later. 

Tip 2:  Do a motive check: Whatever you are asking God for, make sure it’s not for selfish reasons. When you get that house, will you run any and everybody through it? When you get that job will you be a faithful tithe giver? When your health gets better will you turn back around and feed it poison? These are all things you need to think about when going to God for things. 

Like I mentioned before God has a plan for our lives, we don’t need to help him. He has everything set for his timing and we just have to trust him and increase our faith. I know first hand that it isn’t always the easiest thing to do and we think God needs help but HE DOESN’T. Just reflect on any time where you were in a situation and couldn’t see your way out. Didn’t God step in, clean up your mess and still love you like you’d never done anything? Yes, he has done it for me and I just thank him for his perfect timing. I know my health is going to improve, I know my plans take a back seat to his and I will continue to trust him. Will you?

Let’s pray,

Father God,

I come to you with a humble heart and a mind set on you. Thank you Lord for your plans and your perfect timing. I ask that you hear my heart and comfort me in times of distress. I know you will not leave me hanging and out to dry. You are such a gracious God and you have great thoughts toward me. I’ve never seen the righteous forsaken and never will because I am your child. In your name I pray,

amen