image(Photo credit: Bibleapp)

This bible verse just completely wrecked me when I read it. Lately, I’ve been seeking God and honestly it has not been with my whole heart. What I mean by that is, I have been hesitant to completely surrender unto him. I’ve been really honest about my walk and my struggles. I wanted to put in a half effort and get great results and of course I learned, God isn’t going to allow that. I have recently been reading a lot of spiritual books, doing a little meditation and increasing my prayer life. Things have been tense but I still know that God has a plan for me, I just need to be still and trust him.

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Today just so happens to be my daughter’s 6th birthday and although I had a great time, my mind was running. Thinking about how I am going to make ends meet and it became overwhelming. As I pulled down her decorations I remembered that I was supposed to start my Jesus Calling devotional yesterday. I came into my room, book in hand and decided I was going to start reading it. As I began to read the introduction, I felt an overwhelming feeling to lay down. I ignored my body but kept on reading and I heard God saying to me, “surrender”. I kept reading trying to ignore the voice I had heard and I heard it again, “surrender”. Now, I’ve heard of this type of thing but I always quietly doubted it because it hadn’t happened to me.

imageimageimage(Photo credit: Sarah Young “Jesus Calling”

I could not even believe that God was pulling at my heart strings like that. He knew my “secret” of trying to run from him so he came and got me. When I say I ended up sprawled out, across my bed with tears streaming down my face, I mean it. All I could do was say, “Lord, I surrender” over and over again! I began to tell him that I’m handing it over to him, the guilt, the shame, the impatience, the impurities, the questioning and doubting him. I could not get up and as I poured my heart out to him, I slowly felt a warm peace come over me. I just laid there with my face in my covers and my eyes closed for a minute as he soothed my worried mind. Before I knew it, all that heaviness I’ve been carrying around for weeks just melted right off of me. I didn’t worry about how people would judge me because of the way my life has been going for the past couple of years. I found comfort in Jeremiah 29:11. I felt comfort in the fact that he has a plan for me and in due time, he will reveal it. I don’t have to stack myself up against someone else’s success because he has me in a special spot. He knows the plans he has for me and my season isn’t here yet but he is working behind the scenes for me. He definitely loves me and he has great things in store for me. No matter how tough things get, he is not leaving me but shaping and molding me. Let’s Pray!

Father God,

I come to you now thanking you for revealing yourself to me in a special way. I thank you for hearing my fears, seeing my tears and coming to remind me of your love for me. Lord, this journey may not be easy but you have not and will not leave me. Father I know that you have my best interest at heart and I bless your name for hiding me until I am more mature spiritually. I know that you have great plans for me and you have come to get your daughter and reassure me that everything is going to be okay. Thank you Lord for loving me even when I didn’t want it. Forgive me for pushing you away and doubting your capabilities in my situation. I surrender unto your direction, unto your word and cast all my burdens upon you because I know you will take care of them. Thank you for sustaining me and continuing to open spiritual doors for me to walk through and learn. It is in your mighty name I pray,

Amen

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