Have you ever felt like you’d found “the one” or been found by “the one”? Everything is going great (or not), you are vibing, in love, the happiest you’ve ever been right? So what do you do when all of that comes crashing down and you find yourself suddenly single? That is the question I have been asking myself for the past week.

A week ago, my just a month shy of 3 years relationship ended suddenly. I AM devastated to say the least. I went through the toughest day the day after. I cried, cried and did I mention cried all day! I was tempted to stay in bed all weekend and sulk but something was different in me.

 I decided I was NOT going to allow this break-up to take me down. I jumped out of bed, attended to my personal hygiene and got on the road to my mom’s house. I played gospel music the entire way there and sang along. My heart and spirit felt so good on that hour and 15 minute ride.

I had to get up and keep moving because I know who I am. I had to smile and appreciate the beauty in my situation because I am confident in the caliber of woman I am. If he didn’t see that he was blessed with the best, his lost not mine. So, I know you may be tempted to sulk and cry but I’m going to give you some tips to help you through this.

First thing: It is OK to be sad and you should sit in each emotion. Feel it, journal it, sing it, meditate on it and remember to breathe through it.

Second thing: Remember your goals and start working towards them. Create a vision board, go try a new class, listen to a new artist. This will help you begin to enjoy what is now your “new normal”.

Third thing: Remove any photographs, letters, text or anything from the person IF you are ready. I know none of that is easy, but it is going to be neccessary to remove the reminders so you can focus on healing. Yes, delete them from your social media and delete their contact.

Fourth thing: I highly suggest listening to some motivational speakers on YouTube or via podcast. I have been BINGE WATCHING Derrick Jaxn and Trent Shelton videos. To hear someone remind you how valuable you are, what not to settle for, that you can do what you set your mind to is so refreshing. The moment I found their videos and paired it with my determination to get through this, I began to feel much better.

Fifth thing: Write down what you want in your next relationship. Reflect on what you’ve learned through the last relationship. Detail your deal breakers and actually stick by them if you didn’t before.

I am still figuring out what all works for me. The tips above have been pulling me through. I must admit I haven’t felt this determined and focused in over a year. I know one day the right man will come along and we can build together. I also still believe in marriage and desire it deeply.

I’m in no rush, I am just focusing on being a better mom, finishing my degree, this state move I’m in the process of. I have many things to occupy my mind and time but I also still honor my times of sadness. If I need to cry it out, I will stop and do that. There’s no easy way to healing, you just have to go through it and you WILL be OK in time.

Advertisements