Archives for posts with tag: Angels

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Wow, it has been some time since I have blogged or really done anything related to BFPH. I’m NOT proud of that so here I am trying to revamp it. I remember being in a really healthy spiritual and emotional place when I first started BFPH. Things have changed in my life this year and I’m going to speak briefly about it. This blog (and others) have been on my heart but I just didn’t share it but look out for it because I’ll be posting more and more about my journey this year. Let’s dive right into this blog though.

So, early this year I had the chance to meet a pretty nice guy. We talked, he knew God, he honored my decision to be celibate until marriage and he is a parent. I fell for him rather quickly but kept my feelings to myself until I got the official word for him on his feelings. In April, he expressed to me wanting to keep things light and I was devastated but I went with it. In May, he decided that he wanted more and told me he loved me. I was overjoyed and excited to be in a relationship because after all, I’d been single for 4 years. We communicated well, I was able to open up to him about my past hurts, he was supportive of me reuniting my daughter with her father and just was the man of my dreams. I thanked God nightly for him and we began to speak of marriage a few weeks later. I was really over the moon because as you’ve read previously on my blog I deeply desired marriage and thought God had blessed me with this gift and it was about to happen.

Fast forward down a few more months and I had been getting advice from different sources on what to expect in the next phase of our life. I called my Pastor’s wife for her expertise when we had those little arguments and I was actively preparing to be a wife. Now, I know you can NEVER be fully prepared or prepare to be married but I knew there were little issues I had that I’d need to work on before I could marry this man. I did that work and in my mind all things were a go, for him it was not. Recently, we had a petty argument/misunderstanding that I thought we’d brush over. He had been experiencing mixed feelings and decided he wanted to go another direction with his life. Now this has left me baffled, confused, hurt, shocked and so many other things. I’ve been filled with anger and I’ve acted it out on him and I am not happy about that. You just don’t know how you are going to react to someone who has hurt you very deeply. He has been really vocal about his disdain for my treatment of him. I thought how dare he tell me about how he feels after he has driven a knife through my heart and twisted it? The gall of some people but he is right! Just because I am hurting, my job as a daughter of Christ is to still show love and be kind. But how do you show the love of Christ when you are mad at Christ? Yes, I said it, I am angry with Christ because I felt he should’ve saved me from this pain. That’s a trip isn’t it? I’m smart enough to know that God isn’t at fault for this, I am! My relationship with Christ wasn’t even strong when I entered the relationship but here I was expecting him to honor it. I had begun slipping in my bible studies, engaged in some inappropriate conversations with this man but I expected God to cover me in it?

Well my first and most important priority should have been to get right with the Savior. I should’ve stayed connected to the vine instead of running off trying to become married. I should have been working to become whole in Christ instead of making this man my primary focus and neglecting Christ. Truthfully, God spoke to me MANY times in that relationship and gave me warnings not to make him my mini god. I did not listen because I wanted it so bad, I was willing to run through all the warnings and stop signs to get to my fleshly desires.

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This bible verse just completely wrecked me when I read it. Lately, I’ve been seeking God and honestly it has not been with my whole heart. What I mean by that is, I have been hesitant to completely surrender unto him. I’ve been really honest about my walk and my struggles. I wanted to put in a half effort and get great results and of course I learned, God isn’t going to allow that. I have recently been reading a lot of spiritual books, doing a little meditation and increasing my prayer life. Things have been tense but I still know that God has a plan for me, I just need to be still and trust him.

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Today just so happens to be my daughter’s 6th birthday and although I had a great time, my mind was running. Thinking about how I am going to make ends meet and it became overwhelming. As I pulled down her decorations I remembered that I was supposed to start my Jesus Calling devotional yesterday. I came into my room, book in hand and decided I was going to start reading it. As I began to read the introduction, I felt an overwhelming feeling to lay down. I ignored my body but kept on reading and I heard God saying to me, “surrender”. I kept reading trying to ignore the voice I had heard and I heard it again, “surrender”. Now, I’ve heard of this type of thing but I always quietly doubted it because it hadn’t happened to me.

imageimageimage(Photo credit: Sarah Young “Jesus Calling”

I could not even believe that God was pulling at my heart strings like that. He knew my “secret” of trying to run from him so he came and got me. When I say I ended up sprawled out, across my bed with tears streaming down my face, I mean it. All I could do was say, “Lord, I surrender” over and over again! I began to tell him that I’m handing it over to him, the guilt, the shame, the impatience, the impurities, the questioning and doubting him. I could not get up and as I poured my heart out to him, I slowly felt a warm peace come over me. I just laid there with my face in my covers and my eyes closed for a minute as he soothed my worried mind. Before I knew it, all that heaviness I’ve been carrying around for weeks just melted right off of me. I didn’t worry about how people would judge me because of the way my life has been going for the past couple of years. I found comfort in Jeremiah 29:11. I felt comfort in the fact that he has a plan for me and in due time, he will reveal it. I don’t have to stack myself up against someone else’s success because he has me in a special spot. He knows the plans he has for me and my season isn’t here yet but he is working behind the scenes for me. He definitely loves me and he has great things in store for me. No matter how tough things get, he is not leaving me but shaping and molding me. Let’s Pray!

Father God,

I come to you now thanking you for revealing yourself to me in a special way. I thank you for hearing my fears, seeing my tears and coming to remind me of your love for me. Lord, this journey may not be easy but you have not and will not leave me. Father I know that you have my best interest at heart and I bless your name for hiding me until I am more mature spiritually. I know that you have great plans for me and you have come to get your daughter and reassure me that everything is going to be okay. Thank you Lord for loving me even when I didn’t want it. Forgive me for pushing you away and doubting your capabilities in my situation. I surrender unto your direction, unto your word and cast all my burdens upon you because I know you will take care of them. Thank you for sustaining me and continuing to open spiritual doors for me to walk through and learn. It is in your mighty name I pray,

Amen

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Let me start off by saying some people may not agree with my method and for various reasons. I completely understand some people feel people are lazy, don’t work hard enough, plain old selfish and also struggling BUT I hope I can change your views by the end of the blog. If you read your word (Bible), God spoke of the poor being with us always and helping our fellow brother and sister and it left me to think; who is helping? Let me explain to you why this blog HAD to be written and how you CAN apply it to your life and the way you handle people.

This past week I was rolling down the highway, music blaring and a smile on my face. The exit came up, I took it and as I turned back around, there sat a young man with a sign. I didn’t even get to read the sign because I was scrambling so hard for the dollars I had in my purse. As I came to the light, I shut my music off, rolled down my window and his head turned my way. He jumped up, grabbed the dollars and I went to turn my music back on BUT he started to talk. I leaned close to the window and he said, man I really appreciate this because I’ve been out here for 2 1/2 hours and have only gotten $1. I said really? He said yes, people just roll their windows up and keep passing me. I said aww man, that is not right and the light changed green so I told him God bless you and pulled off. As soon as I took that left turn my eyes filled up with tears and I started praying for that young man. I was tore UP, because I couldn’t imagine how that must have felt to be continuously passed by people who COULD help. People who have the money in their wallet but they are so full of human thoughts instead of God’s love that they will not help.

Let me make it real plain for you, the person you snare your nose at, roll your window up on, yell get a job to COULD BE AN ANGEL!!!!!!! Just imagine with all the things you pray to God for, he snaring his nose at your sinful self, OHHHH WAIT, NO he sent his son to die for you! As horrible as your sins are/were, as bad as you were before you knew him, he STILL thought that much of YOU. So ask yourself, how can I treat someone so harshly because they need help? What in YOU thinks to forget God informing us the poor will be with us always? I’m really passionate about it because I’ve been hungry, I’ve ran out of gas, food and anything else you could think of. It was NEVER that I was lazy, a “hustler”, not trying hard enough or any of those things, it was because I had simply ran out of money to supply it. God places people there that can help you on your journey, it may not come in ways we imagine but he places people there that SHOULD help.

Maybe it is just me but I’m believing God for too much, to be stingy or looking down my nose on someone needing help. I need help FREQUENTLY so I can’t look down on someone I mirror. Just because I’m not on a corner, in unclean clothes and unkempt hair DOES NOT mean I don’t face struggles. You can walk around in your fancy clothes, drive a nice car, live in the “best place in your city” and FEEL like you are doing better than some BUT; our graves all look the same. When you die, your amenities and possessions cease to matter because you get buried in the same grave yard as those people you once looked down on. What you should be concerned with is if God will turn you away for all the people you turned away. Ohhhh you can fall out in the pews on Sunday mornings and Wednesday nights but if your heart is not in the right place, God will deal with you accordingly. Never think God has a VIP section in heaven because he does NOT, you’ll be judged with those people and they may get in while you get turned away.

Going forward to today, I left church after receiving an amazing word and confirmation in my own situation. I was floating on cloud 9, in my spirit, feeling light and ready to conquer the day’s task. I pulled into the Wendy’s parking lot, got my daughter out the car and there sat a man. He appeared really young and had a kind of harsh demeanor so I got kind of scared, but kept walking toward the door. My sister was behind me with her daughter and as I pulled the door open, I heard him say something to her. She responded and I asked what he had said to her and she said he asked for food. I went inside, stood in line, ordered my food BUT I ordered something for him as well. As we left I opened the door, bent down and tapped his shoulder and he turned around. As soon as he saw that bag, that harsh demeanor melted right off of his face and went into a gorgeous smile. I smiled back and said this is for you and here you go as I handed him money as well. He said oh that’s whats up (slang terms in Oakland: thank you), thank you and before I could even say you’re welcome and God bless you, HE SAID IT FIRST! I immediately thought, God sent me here to bless you and showed his love through me. Now his face was probably so unfriendly because he had sat out there, people walking by laughing with their food in hand and wouldn’t even help. 

A take away from this blog is, it could be you one day! All it takes is for you to lose your job and there you will be needing a hand out. There is no feeling like hunger, no lie, being hungry is NOT a good feeling, even if you are fasting. Just imagine fasting and somebody sitting in front of you with a big cheese burger, fries and a good soda. You have the option to break your fast but imagine being hungry and someone having the money but not helping you. I doubt you would feel very good and GOD does NOT shine on you when you treat people that way. Refocus yourself and show people the love of God, help them if you can and do it with a pure heart and good intentions. There’s a statement that I absolutely despise and that is; ” GET A JOB”. Ohhhhh when I hear it, I almost lose my religion and curse people out. When people say that my rebuttal is, well you have a job and you’re that stingy/nasty so why would I want to get a job so I blend in with you? When I do get a job, I will continue to help people because I remember what it feels like to need help. Yes I’m from the grimy streets of Oakland, Ca BUT I’m good, I love the Lord, I treat people as I want to be treated, I run a Christian blog and I’m not passing judgement on anybody. God knows my heart is in the right place, he knows that I kill my flesh daily to bring glory to his name and spread his word. Does God know that about you? He SHOULD and if he doesn’t you’ve got some work to do.

 

Before I close this blog I want to call your attention to my ministry Bare Faces Pure Hearts, it is very new and I’m very happy to announce I’m on Instagram: barefacespurehearts , Twitter: @Wogmovement25 and will be launching a website VERY soon. I promote celibacy, celebrating yourself as a single, removing the hair weaves AND make-up and getting into the love of Christ. I know in today’s society it is hard to love yourself the way God does so I’m refueling our young, old and middle aged single women through the word of God. Connect with me, pray with me,share my blogs, tell a friend and most importantly READ YOUR BIBLES! Read the rest of this entry »