Archives for posts with tag: BareFacesPureHearts

This is going to be A LOT of writing  just a forewarning. I’ve found that lately there is an influx of people like myself who struggle with anxiety and depression. I’m willing to share my story to not only feel better but help someone else.

I noticed I was having a struggle with anxiety around the time both of my parents got really ill so maybe 2-3 years ago. Lately it has gotten progressively worst and it’s really a struggle. To get out the bed some days is dreadful. Some days I just want to be in my room, curtains closed and just cry, cry cry. At first I didn’t recognize it was anything but thought I was overly sensitive suddenly. I knew I had these thoughts of I wasn’t good enough, felt like a failure when I couldn’t pass my math class but still I didn’t know this was linked to depression. I felt myself dreading the future, feeling like a fish out of water but STILL I didn’t know this was anxiety. Partially was I thought I had it all together, the other part was I don’t have a chance to be weak because I have so many people depending on me & demanding something of me. That’s another thing I’ve noticed, I have a really hard time saying no and sticking to it. It wasn’t until I spoke to my therapist about my feelings that I found out what was really going on in me.

I wish I could say that it’s something easy to overcome or that you will be over it quickly but I’d be lying. Anxiety and Depression is VERY real, very hard to conquer and takes time to get a handle on. I’m still figuring out daily how to live with it and I’ll say it again, it is very hard! My struggle with it is there is guilt and shame attached to it so it makes me retreat a lot. That’s part of depression, closing yourself off from the world. Isolating yourself from friends, family and social activities is a sign of depression. Those suicidal thoughts, that overwhelming sensitivity, those thoughts of not being good enough, being extra hard on yourself all depression! I’ve had those thoughts of swallowing a handful of pills and ending it all. I’ve had those thoughts of being on the freeway and hitting a high rate of speed and slamming into a wall to end it all. I’ve been there and it isn’t any fun, it’s quite scary actually. What I’m learning is to talk about it and seek help professionally. I’ve learned a couple steps and hopefully you all can share what you do or your experiences with me in the comments.

STEP 1: Understand that this is real, you are NOT alone and that you are valuable. No matter how bad you feel in the moment understand that you ARE valuable, you ARE loved and this isn’t going to take you under.

STEP 2: Make the decision to be around family and friends one day a week. I know you feel like isolating yourself and even hurting yourself is a good decision but it isn’t. Depression & anxiety thrive in isolation so you need to be around people who love you and care for you.

STEP 3: Seek professional help! When you are thinking about ending your life or harming yourself it is time to talk to someone. Pull your closest friend aside and tell them what you are going through as well. You need a network of support, again anxiety and depression thrive in isolation.

These are just a couple of the things I’m doing but I know it’s way more to it than this. I’m no expert, I just know what I’m going through and what is pushing me forward. There’s nothing to be ashamed of here. Many people are silently suffering and I’m making the decision not to suffer in silence anymore. Feel free to comment and let me know how you are coping with this.

 

 

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Hello Brothers & Sisters in Christ, it’s been several months since I’ve blogged. Life has been both bitter sweet for me since November but God IS STILL good and faithful! I’m currently in the middle of wedding planning, back working and trying my best to keep this diabetes in range to be healthy. Pray for and with me as I continue to walk this journey we call life.

Today in particular I got hit with a major curve ball. I’d made this dental appointment four months ago and have been looking forward to it. Well this afternoon I got a call from the office and the receptionist had some financial news for me. She says hey, you have a $567 share of cost, did you know this? My heart sank into my chest because I knew by Monday I wouldn’t be able to pay this. I bellowed out WHAT???!! She says yes, according to documents you’ve submitted, you make too much to qualify for your regular plan. We chatted some more and to make a long story short, I had to give up this appointment. I immediately became angry and began to cry because I hadn’t been informed of this.

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I just sat in my kitchen, tears streaming down my cheeks asking God why. I kept saying Lord, what is this? What is your plan? I said some colorful words too (just being honest) and paced back and forth as I kept pouring out my frustration and sadness to God. It was silent but even in my frustration, even in my anger and even in my sadness, I just choose to believe. I’m not sure why things went awry but I trust God has good reasoning for it.

I find it is so easy to allow the devil to steal your peace or your joy. I had to take my power back, popped on my gospel music and began to praise. My soul is at peace because I know God has my back. His ways and his plan are perfect and if you just hold on a little while he’ll reveal it. Exercise your faith in the midst of adversity and tell God, “Lord I choose to believe, your will your way”. No matter what comes your way, you will absolutely be okay. Not sure who said it first but faith it until you make it and I promise you, it will turn in your favor. Let’s Pray!

Most faithful and powerful Lord,

I come to you now with a open heart and mind. Thank you for protecting me, providing for me and seeing in me what I don’t even see in myself. Father I am faced with what seems like a hardship but I know you’ll make it alright. I choose to believe in you and exercise my faith because you are faithful. I choose to wait on the revelation of your plan and praise you in the midst of it all. Thank you Lord for my husband to be, my daughter and please watch over us as we sleep tonight. In your son Jesus Christ name I do pray, Amen.

 

 

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Wow, it has been some time since I have blogged or really done anything related to BFPH. I’m NOT proud of that so here I am trying to revamp it. I remember being in a really healthy spiritual and emotional place when I first started BFPH. Things have changed in my life this year and I’m going to speak briefly about it. This blog (and others) have been on my heart but I just didn’t share it but look out for it because I’ll be posting more and more about my journey this year. Let’s dive right into this blog though.

So, early this year I had the chance to meet a pretty nice guy. We talked, he knew God, he honored my decision to be celibate until marriage and he is a parent. I fell for him rather quickly but kept my feelings to myself until I got the official word for him on his feelings. In April, he expressed to me wanting to keep things light and I was devastated but I went with it. In May, he decided that he wanted more and told me he loved me. I was overjoyed and excited to be in a relationship because after all, I’d been single for 4 years. We communicated well, I was able to open up to him about my past hurts, he was supportive of me reuniting my daughter with her father and just was the man of my dreams. I thanked God nightly for him and we began to speak of marriage a few weeks later. I was really over the moon because as you’ve read previously on my blog I deeply desired marriage and thought God had blessed me with this gift and it was about to happen.

Fast forward down a few more months and I had been getting advice from different sources on what to expect in the next phase of our life. I called my Pastor’s wife for her expertise when we had those little arguments and I was actively preparing to be a wife. Now, I know you can NEVER be fully prepared or prepare to be married but I knew there were little issues I had that I’d need to work on before I could marry this man. I did that work and in my mind all things were a go, for him it was not. Recently, we had a petty argument/misunderstanding that I thought we’d brush over. He had been experiencing mixed feelings and decided he wanted to go another direction with his life. Now this has left me baffled, confused, hurt, shocked and so many other things. I’ve been filled with anger and I’ve acted it out on him and I am not happy about that. You just don’t know how you are going to react to someone who has hurt you very deeply. He has been really vocal about his disdain for my treatment of him. I thought how dare he tell me about how he feels after he has driven a knife through my heart and twisted it? The gall of some people but he is right! Just because I am hurting, my job as a daughter of Christ is to still show love and be kind. But how do you show the love of Christ when you are mad at Christ? Yes, I said it, I am angry with Christ because I felt he should’ve saved me from this pain. That’s a trip isn’t it? I’m smart enough to know that God isn’t at fault for this, I am! My relationship with Christ wasn’t even strong when I entered the relationship but here I was expecting him to honor it. I had begun slipping in my bible studies, engaged in some inappropriate conversations with this man but I expected God to cover me in it?

Well my first and most important priority should have been to get right with the Savior. I should’ve stayed connected to the vine instead of running off trying to become married. I should have been working to become whole in Christ instead of making this man my primary focus and neglecting Christ. Truthfully, God spoke to me MANY times in that relationship and gave me warnings not to make him my mini god. I did not listen because I wanted it so bad, I was willing to run through all the warnings and stop signs to get to my fleshly desires.

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Now I know to hear that the suffering we go through is a blessing can sound like an insult, right? I know first hand that I cried my heart, eyes and soul out due to the hardships of life. Isn’t it strange how we can go through something that we feel we can’t bare and we serve this awesome God, but where is he???? Like, what God would treat his children like this? What Loving father would allow you to lose your job, your spouse, your home, your mother or father, right? A good God and if you continue reading I’m going to help you see why he is worthy to be praised in the midst of these and many more troubles. James 1, verse two tells us that when we see trouble this is time to be happy. Sounds impossible up against what you’re facing right now huh? It is not because God has brought you to it to change you in the trouble. A lot of our troubles are troubles because we’ve seen in our past and maybe we didn’t handle it so here it comes again. In my particular case, my faith was a thing I just could not get right to save my entire life and I’d prayed to be more trusting of God so he gave me the opportunity.

A few months ago my family and I started having problems with our landlord. Oh he’s been taking us through the ringer theses days. I’m talking rent increase, 90 day notices, attorneys threatening me and I just freaked out. I cried, I stressed, I doubted, but in the end God came through. He sent a news anchor to tell our story on the most popular new station and in turn our landlord retracted. I was so ecstatic and thanked God for showing up and out in our situation. Now fast forward to February 12, 2015 and here comes this SAME attorney in my emails with a whole new notice. I opened it and low and behold our landlord has decided to sale the place. Ohhhh did I get upset and immediately begin to freak out once AGAIN, crying and screaming BUT I heard “o ye of little faith”.

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I’d reached out to multiple attorneys offices and even called my friend at the news station and they were of little help. Then I remembered, HEY, you have been through this and the same God that saved you from this situation last time will have glory in this situation too. I checked myself and thanked God for bringing me back to this situation to strengthen my faith. See, God equips us with exactly what we need, we just have to be faithful and humble enough to endure and grow from our troubles. I know the growing period and learning phase can feel like it is goingto end your life. I submit to you today to ask GOD, “What lesson are you teaching me in this?” “Where can I grow and how can I do better this next time around?” I promise when you see your trials and tribulations in this light you will feel so much better because it brings you back to the rock. God is standing right there waiting for you to exercise your faith and even pray to him, he is waiting on you to call upon him. He operates in the impossible, in your faith he is at work and all you have to do is believe he is here for you.

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Right now, just lay across your bed, couch or even drop to your knees and say God forgive me for missing the lesson. Lord I know you are faithful, I know you will bring me through so I hand it over to you right here today. I will not stress, doubt or worry about what man can do because you surpass it all. Lord I hear your teaching, I submit to your direction and I praise you for this time of suffering because in it I am made stronger and wiser. Father I outstretch my arms as I lay, stand or kneel acknowledging you for all that you are and welcoming in your spirit to guide me. Forgive me father for(name your sin/doubt) and create in me a new mind and understanding. This is my prayer, my request unto you Oh God. Amen

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If you are in need of prayer, reach out in the comments and I’ll email you. We can walk this path together, connected through God’s love. You have help, you have a prayer partner if you need one and God will see you through. God bless you!

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This bible verse just completely wrecked me when I read it. Lately, I’ve been seeking God and honestly it has not been with my whole heart. What I mean by that is, I have been hesitant to completely surrender unto him. I’ve been really honest about my walk and my struggles. I wanted to put in a half effort and get great results and of course I learned, God isn’t going to allow that. I have recently been reading a lot of spiritual books, doing a little meditation and increasing my prayer life. Things have been tense but I still know that God has a plan for me, I just need to be still and trust him.

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Today just so happens to be my daughter’s 6th birthday and although I had a great time, my mind was running. Thinking about how I am going to make ends meet and it became overwhelming. As I pulled down her decorations I remembered that I was supposed to start my Jesus Calling devotional yesterday. I came into my room, book in hand and decided I was going to start reading it. As I began to read the introduction, I felt an overwhelming feeling to lay down. I ignored my body but kept on reading and I heard God saying to me, “surrender”. I kept reading trying to ignore the voice I had heard and I heard it again, “surrender”. Now, I’ve heard of this type of thing but I always quietly doubted it because it hadn’t happened to me.

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I could not even believe that God was pulling at my heart strings like that. He knew my “secret” of trying to run from him so he came and got me. When I say I ended up sprawled out, across my bed with tears streaming down my face, I mean it. All I could do was say, “Lord, I surrender” over and over again! I began to tell him that I’m handing it over to him, the guilt, the shame, the impatience, the impurities, the questioning and doubting him. I could not get up and as I poured my heart out to him, I slowly felt a warm peace come over me. I just laid there with my face in my covers and my eyes closed for a minute as he soothed my worried mind. Before I knew it, all that heaviness I’ve been carrying around for weeks just melted right off of me. I didn’t worry about how people would judge me because of the way my life has been going for the past couple of years. I found comfort in Jeremiah 29:11. I felt comfort in the fact that he has a plan for me and in due time, he will reveal it. I don’t have to stack myself up against someone else’s success because he has me in a special spot. He knows the plans he has for me and my season isn’t here yet but he is working behind the scenes for me. He definitely loves me and he has great things in store for me. No matter how tough things get, he is not leaving me but shaping and molding me. Let’s Pray!

Father God,

I come to you now thanking you for revealing yourself to me in a special way. I thank you for hearing my fears, seeing my tears and coming to remind me of your love for me. Lord, this journey may not be easy but you have not and will not leave me. Father I know that you have my best interest at heart and I bless your name for hiding me until I am more mature spiritually. I know that you have great plans for me and you have come to get your daughter and reassure me that everything is going to be okay. Thank you Lord for loving me even when I didn’t want it. Forgive me for pushing you away and doubting your capabilities in my situation. I surrender unto your direction, unto your word and cast all my burdens upon you because I know you will take care of them. Thank you for sustaining me and continuing to open spiritual doors for me to walk through and learn. It is in your mighty name I pray,

Amen

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I’m feeling very compelled to write this blog because I believe someone else needs this word. Fear of stepping out can be very crippling, it is very scary and also leaves us stagnant. If you are like myself, you can talk yourself out of ANYTHING! I mean meet your next steps with excuses and literally not move from your comfort zone because you are frozen with fear. In this blog I want to help someone get free from the spirit of stagnancy, fear and encourage you to move forward. Something I haven’t disclosed to anyone is, God placed a vision on my heart BUT I haven’t been obedient and it’s eating me up. I began talking myself out of it, making excuses but I know God’s plan for me is good. He knows I’m in a state of fear but I hear him calling me to move. I had to literally silence the voice of fear in my head and say, “Hush, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me – Philippians 4:13 .” In God’s word he has already assured us that we are equipped through him. You don’t need validation from man, he will provide the money to bring it to pass all because you are being obedient to him.

 

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I encourage you to examine why you are fearful. If it is because of rejection just know God wouldn’t have placed it on your heart if he didn’t have people to receive it. He wants this “thing” to be brought to the people because it will help someone. You will bring someone in to him, falling on their face and connecting with our awesome God. If it is because you feel you’re too messed up or have done too much wrong, you’ve been forgiven. I always say there is healing in the process, there is growth in our pain! I struggled for a long time with the opinion of people because they know my past. The simple truth is when you repented GOD wiped your slate clean and doesn’t hold who you once were against you. The opinion of people means absolutely NOTHING when God already stamped his approval on it. When God is handing out blessings he doesn’t ask anyone for their opinion or what you did. He judges you off of the pureness in your heart so shake that off.

 

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The next thing you should do is trust God enough to move when he tells you to. You may be praying and saying you have faith but not showing it. What if God has your blessing at the next step of where you are supposed to be stepping? You could literally be holding yourself back just by not being obedient. If you are not sure how to move your feet, PRAY and ask for the wisdom. I’ve been reading The book of Proverbs lately because I want more wisdom. In Proverbs you are constantly reminded of what a blessing it is to be wise. God will direct you and guide you through the vision he places on your heart. He will NEVER place it in your heart to leave you out wondering if he is there with you as you follow his vision for you.

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Bare Faces Pure Hearts is something God placed in my heart in November 2013. I fought it, I didn’t believe it was from him and I was even scared to share it with people. Again, I felt like people really advanced in the bible would question me. I also felt people would have trouble receiving it from a woman so young. I had so many thoughts, so many excuses BUT I finally followed God’s direction and created a platform for it. This ministry focuses on Single Christian Women who are celibate, interested in becoming celibate and need encouragement through the word of God. I’m pouring back into women that all the standards of beauty in the world are not relevant because God has told us in his word what true beauty is. I’ve been through a storm but God delivered me and is now using me as a vessel to bring his love for us back into focus. ( Follow @barefacespurehearts on Instagram) Let’s pray!

 

Father,

Here I am, your vessel needing a touch from you. You’ve given me a vision and I ask that you release the spirit of fear from my life. I want to spread your word, follow your direction and I know your plans for me are GREAT. As I travel this journey called life, I ask that you keep your hand on me and elevate me because I am now ready. Lord thank you for choosing me in spite of my past and the opinions of others. I’m so happy you see the best in me even when I don’t feel at my best Lord. In your awesome and mighty name I pray,

Amen

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Have you ever had to swallow a big slice of “humble pie” and it went down like glass? I mean it was such a beautifully decorated piece of pie but the taste was awful! Something you never would touch again, something you’d warn your friends about when they got a plate to get a slice? Well I’m glad because I’d like to change your mind and ask you to try many slices because there is growth and lessons in each bite.

 

For quite some time I’ve been praying for God to help me change, help me grow and just do a total work in me. The shock was in how much I’d have to change the person I’d always been. I was raised very well, great person, would give you the shirt off my back, run across a busy freeway to rescue you BUT I was broken in many ways. Even with all those qualities, I needed a touch from God and at one point fought the process. Lately, I’ve been praying for God to convict me in gossiping, my “potty” mouth, parenting and in my areas that could be harmful to my future spouse. What I didn’t know was how hard it would be and how defensive I’d become when he did check me on it.

A few weeks ago I was engaging in a conversation FULL of gossip, I mean just laughing, enjoying, going back and forth with new developments and all in. Clear as day, as if God were on three way with me I heard ” That’s gossip”! Ohhhhh that smile wiped from my face, the laughter stopped abruptly and I immediately started correcting the conversation and got out of it. When I hung up, I started making excuses for the behavior and it felt so wrong but I felt like “God understands, he knows my heart”. Did I even know my own heart in the moment? No! 

Also, with my daughter I’ve been facing some challenges with giving her my full time. Yes, I’m getting better daily but I did make up lots of excuses to hide my mess. The pride in my heart was saying, I raise her alone, she’s with me everyday, I deserve some time to “be an adult” and she is just going to have to find something to occupy herself  sometimes. The conviction God gave me was, you aren’t spending as much time with her as you can, she is a child so you have to nurture her and even though she is with you daily, if you push her away she is going to feel unwanted, unimportant and like your “adult time” is more important than listening to her 30 second story. This is so raw for me to write but it is my TRUTH and I’m better because of God humbling me. Now I make it a conscience effort to hold her, kiss her, sing silly songs with her, tell her I love her, give her my undivided attention and erase the adult time to cater to her and connect with her. Yes it IS work, yes it IS challenging BUT I’m working daily to do it, I’m praying hard to continue doing it, I’m joining parenting plans in my bible app that remind me of the gift that she is and all children are.

Another area is my “potty” mouth and yes I’m totally embarrassed about it and you better believe I’m praying for God to cleanse me of it. Back in the days where I wasn’t so open to having a relationship with Christ, just identifying myself as Christian I wasn’t ashamed of it. I felt like the curse words just finished a sentence so perfectly and meant not to mess with me. I remember sitting in the cafeteria of my college, just cursing up a storm, laughing and a lady from my church went there and turned around and said “Who doing all that cussing”? I said with such pride “ME! Oh yea girl I cuss like a sailor, I don’t give a….” You finish the sentence but I’m typing this right now feeling sooooo embarrassed BUT GOD! I’ve been working to curve it and a lady at my church told me it’s work and to pray about it. You NEVER understand the impact of your behaviors and words until God completely wrecks you and puts you in the situation to hear someone else speaking the way YOU once did. Now, it just stings my eardrums and I see how ignorant I sounded and what horrible example I was setting for my own daughter and it checks me. 

The last thing I’ll discuss is working on areas in myself that could be harmful to my future husband. I’m the first to tell you I’m believing God for a God-lead, God-fearing, totally submitted to God husband! In the past I didn’t think I could do ANY wrong because I was “so good” to my boyfriends. I had been jaded so I went into relationships with trust issues, thinking I was perfect and even belittled one of my exes. I thought foolishly if you were “good in bed” (shouldn’t of been engaging in premarital sex), could throw down in the kitchen (doing a married woman’s duty), treated them well and would be there through thick and thin, I was IT! Like the total package, can’t nobody touch this, no competition. Now I missed the fact that COMMUNICATION was big, with no trust there is no relationship, belittling a man will only drive him away and “good sex” won’t make him stay. Now in doing my work and reading my word I understand that a marriage is sacred to God, it’s going to be constant compromise, sex is for marriage (been celibate for 2 1/2 years), a SOLID relationship with Christ is going to hold us together when we feel like falling apart and God has to be our foundation. I understand communication is going to be key because if we hold in our struggles, we’ll resent each other, become disconnected and infidelity may occur. I also understand to create a place of peace in our home, no man wants to walk into hell after a long day of work! Even guard our threshold, not to let any and everybody trail through our house because I don’t know what spirits may come in with them. I won’t write all the things God has given me in this area but these are the most important.

Had I not taken time to seek God to become better I wouldn’t of gotten to this very place. Pride is a VERY dangerous and nasty thing to operate out of. God said in his word that it’ll destroy us so we can’t afford to stay in such a nasty area. If you are struggling with pride I encourage you to just fall on your knees and pray. Cry out to God, repent, ask him to change your heart and just touch you in a special way. He’s waiting on you to get in his presence and ask for help! Don’t leave him there waiting, run to him and get that comfort and healing only he can give. He wants you to be better, he wants you to grow stronger in your walk and he loves you. He knows you’ll fall short, yet he loves you unconditionally anyway. Nurture that relationship with him, dedicate your entire being to him and watch how he changes you. You won’t even recognize yourself once he starts shaping and molding you into his beautiful image. 

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I want everyone who reads this blog to read Hebrews Chapter 11 vs. 1-40. The verse I want to touch on is verse one and it states “Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen”. Now I know when you are believing God for things, it can be extremely difficult to have faith and its especially hard when people are getting “your” blessings. I mean you can  just about scroll any of your social media and see that job you were believing God for, someone got it! That car you’ve been praying over, someone got it! That engagement you’ve been waiting on, oh look someone has got that too BUT it is THEIR time.Do you have faith to get you through your pain and disappointment? Well after this blog I believe you will, travel with me for a second.

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So a week ago i wrote in to a local agency trying to see my status on a apartment. I’ve been on the list now for 3 years and won the lottery but never heard anything back. About 4 days ago my phone rang and it was a lady from the agency. Her voice was full of enthusiasm and she confirmed my information and told me something would be out in the mail. I was so excited thinking, YES, this is finally it, I am going to finally get my own place. Oh that letter came BUT it sure didn’t have the words I wanted to see written on the lines! It read “you are active on the waiting list” and with some asterisk it said we won’t be giving any vouchers out through 2016 .OHHHHHH I was beside myself with grief and disappointment BUT I kept a positive attitude. I immediately went to telling my heart to be quiet, sucked those tears back into my eye socket and tried to keep smiling. I said out loud, well God has something better for me so this is just a “not yet”. On the inside my flesh was going crazy, I was fussing at God, asking why, why, why, I’ve been faithful,been celibate, I’ve paid my tithes every month for the last year and asked how he could do this to me. I just could not understand why a servant following God’s commands would be slapped down once again and expected to have this thing called faith.

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 I was beyond hurt, disappointed, discouraged and plain ol wanted to throw myself a pity party BUT I didn’t do it. I instead told God, “God this hurts so bad, I don’t understand it but I trust you”. “I don’t like the way this feels, I don’t want to smile though it but you know what you are doing so I just have to keep believing in your timing and decisions”. My faith was and is bigger than that disappointment, that rejection definitely hurt but I know better things are up ahead. Remember God knows the desires of your heart and he will give them to you but you have to submit to him first. I can admit, I stopped reading my bible and thirsting after him the way I once was. I had to snap myself back into gear and realize if I can’t be consistent with what he requires of me, why would he give me more? I haven’t nurtured the things he’s already given me so God isn’t going to give me more. Know that God has a way of getting your attention and if you don’t listen, he’ll make it plain and sting!

Another thing that you can rest in is he doesn’t run out of blessings! He has all power in his hands and he will definitely have a portion for you in his timing. No amount of pouting, crying and feeling sorry for yourself is going to speed up that timing. You should also learn to celebrate others, when they get that thing or those things you’ve been praying for, BE HAPPY FOR THEM! That means he is making his way around to you but make sure you are in alignment with him. I have gotten back on my blogging, reading my bible, praying without ceasing and just feeding my spirit over my flesh. I’m even looking to host some events for the ministry he placed on my heart (look out for that). Sure I want that house, looking forward to that relationship, believing him for new employment, praying over a new car but I understand to nurture my relationship with Christ first. If he can’t trust me with a little, when I get a lot he knows I’ll be placing him on the back burner so he’s strengthening me in this time. Sure at times it feels like lack but I’ve learned many things just by sitting back and observing other people’s mistakes. Let’s Pray!

Father God,

I come to you tonight thanking you for the many things you are doing in my life. You have sustained me through my season of unemployment, been a comforter on my lonely nights, given me a car that runs and even made sure I haven’t missed any meals. Lord, I appreciate the love you’ve shown toward me, even when I haven’t always shown it back to you. I come to you father asking that you forgive me for my sins, forgive me for a lack of faith at times and give me strength to keep going. Yes Lord, it hurts to be denied my wants but I know you have something better for me in YOUR timing. I may not like the way it feels, I may not like the time it takes to get what I’m believing you for but I surrender it unto you. Thank you Lord for giving me a spirit of belief, love, hope, faith and assuring me that you are in the blessing business. In your name I pray,

Amen

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As a woman whose been in relationships that weren’t the best for me, I realize how you can get swept up in lust covered as love. It’s very easy to get caught up in the feeling vs. the reality of your relationship. You make excuses for why he/she is the one and how they make your heart smile and so on. He looks like everything you dreamed of as a child, she looks like everything you wanted in a woman as a young boy. What happens when it turns out to be just a facade? What happens when you are gut punched with the reality of he/she not being who lust told you they were on your journey seeking love? I’ll tell you what happens, you end in the fetal position on your bed asking God why.

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Growing up, if you are lucky your parents sat you down and told you what to expect from a relationship. You were raised deep in the word of God and the dangers of premarital sex were explained to you. If you are like most people I know, that didn’t happen so you were left fending for yourself to figure out what love was. I’m 25 and the first time lust was explained to me was in a blog and that was AFTER i became a single mom. I don’t mean the cute version of single mom, I mean the child is with you 24 AND the 7, no social life and no resources kind of single motherhood. The word SOUL TIE was introduced to me last year when I started to diligently seek Christ. I’m writing this blog because even though I got it late, I want to share it with you early, here today, right now.

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What you should know is when you are seeking love God has already given it to you. There is nothing you can do to change the way he feels about you. He knows you are going to mess up and that’s why he sent his son to die for you. What you seek in man or woman, he’s already giving you so be fulfilled in that. Nothing about love equals lust, either it is or it isn’t and that’s how you should view people. I used to be one of those girls who fell in love with potential. Oh it wasn’t anything you could tell me about it either, I’d defend the unemployment, I’d defend the other girls and I’d dare you to challenge me. Granted I’d never picked up a bible to see what God said love was. I don’t want you to be the one who doesn’t pick up a bible so you travel the world seeking something that isn’t real.

The day I woke up from forever was when I’d found myself in a toxic relationship. I thought because I waited 6 months to have sex that I was doing something. I tied my soul up and BAD, for those of you who don’t know a soul tie is when you have sex with someone who has not put some papers and a ring on it! If he didn’t approach you, court you, consult God on your relationship/ courtship, wait for confirmation from God, get a yes from God, propose to you, go to the court house file for a marriage license, stand before you and your family and friends and marry you then get intimate, you’ve tied souls. Premarital sex creates a soul tie because you are sharing your body with someone other than your husband/wife.

I know some people don’t believe it takes all that and those are the people I tell “READ YOUR BIBLE!” I got all caught up with a toxic person even became a mother from that toxic relationship and it brought me to right here today. Now I understand had I not went through that, I wouldn’t have a relationship with Christ. Sure, I identified with Christianity but I never knew it actually came along with task until I gave my life fully to him. I now know if a man wants to have sex, kiss all on me and get in my personal space he isn’t for me! I desire a man of God, not just one who sits in a church on Sunday and Wednesday nights right beside a Pastor because it looks good. I won’t settle for a man other than one who is so lost in God that he bleeds the word because I am lost in my word that way.

I desire a man who is God lead now, not flesh lead because that’ll breed fleshly desires and I’ve been there before. I now know what God says about me, what he requires of me and what it means to have a relationship with him. Just because you are in a relationship that doesn’t bring God glory doesn’t mean you have to stay in it. You can get out of that at anytime, you can stop answering those late night phone calls for him/her tonight. Pick up your bible and read what LOVE truly is and how that’s what you should require and give. Don’t let what you want him/her to be cloud your judgement and cause you to miss out on the one God has for you. You are SOOOOOOOOOO worth the best! You are SOOOO worth being loved and cared for and not just for someone’s temporary pleasures! Don’t leave this earth stuck in the mentality that you should be OK with a flesh lead relationship. You are priceless, God fights for you, he gave his son FOR YOU! I don’t know about you but I wouldn’t give up my only son for a bunch of sinners but God did because he thinks that much of YOU! Just love yourself, just thank God for that thought alone, just start off with you desire for better and progression. Let’s Pray!

Dear Heavenly Father,

I thank you for your son, I thank you for this day to do better, I thank you for your love and your mercy. As I sit before you I ask you create in me a clean heart. I ask that you show me how to love myself the way you love me! I need you Lord and you’ve been so merciful and awesome while I’ve been stuck in my mess. I vow to do better and choose to serve you and bring glory and honor to your name. I know I deserve the best and I trust you will bring the best to me as I travel this journey called life. As I fall on my knees begging for your forgiveness for the sins I’ve committed I trust and believe you are working things out for my good. As times get tough I will turn to you and seek your guidance because I know you’ve got me. Thank you Lord for the awakening I’ve been given today and may I be a vessel for you forever.

In your precious name it is I pray,’

Amen

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Sometimes we see signs that just confuse us right? We double check our GPS system on our phone to make sure we are in the right area and it still doesn’t look clear. We then have to pull over and reassess, ask people for direction and hope they have an answer right? But what happens when our lives become the GPS system?WE are running around trying to find out where we are, WE are searching for the solution but it’s still not clear, WE are forced to pull over and reassess and ask for direction. WE haven’t even stopped to pray, we haven’t even asked God for his direction and we’ve tried to be a god and do it by ourselves. Let me explain why God’s direction is the ONLY GPS system you need to follow, man will fail you but GOD won’t do it.
This past month proved to be trying for me and I was sinking. I’d gotten out for break from school and my daughter had too so I was happy to be able to relax. The break ended Monday but not before my computer charger shorted out and I didn’t have a way to submit my work. I panicked and started to cry and try with no luck to fix it. I pulled out both of my old chargers and tried to rig them up and it was not working, with my very important assignment nearing. It left me feeling like God was trying to tell me something that I couldn’t hear. I asked God ” What are you trying to tell me?” Do i need to pull back the reigns and not do my ministry? Are you telling me this schooling isn’t for me? What is it?
I’d ordered a new charger on the 3rd so they gave me the 8th or the 9th that it’d be delivered. I went to bed Tuesday night and just poured my heart out to God. I told him how I really wanted to pass this class and how devastating it’d be if I wasn’t able to submit my assignment but I knew he’d work it out. Wednesday came and that’s the day my assignment was due, took it as God was trying to tell me it was time to say goodbye to school and slow down on launching my ministry. It was about 4 O’clock and I was sitting on my couch and UPS pulled up. I was waiting on another package for my sisters birthday so I thought hey, it’s her birthday so it got here on time….it hadn’t BUT my charger HAD. I swung that door open, smiled real bright and snatched the package from his hand & screamed!
I ran to my computer, plugged it in and low and behold that once black light had turned white, indicating it was CHARGING! I continuously said “Thank you Jesus”, over and over again, did that assignment and pressed submit. I was on cloud 9 and not only because the charger had arrived but because GOD heard my heart and answered my prayer. If you open up your bible to Hebrews 11:6 it says But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him. This is where you have to faith it til you make it! I had thrown in the towel, I’d taken it as a sign that my ministry and schooling were over but I hadn’t consulted God first. I went trying to fix things on my own and it proved to be out of my control.
When you are lost go to the master, you can try to rig your situation on your back up’s (people) but ONLY GOD can swoop in and save you. He has the mighty hand that’ll make it alright, he has the plan, he has the solution. Temporary fixes won’t work, he’s watching you run around like you have no answer and HE is the answer. Call out to him, tell him I know you are going to work this out, I understand I don’t have the answers but I serve you, aMIGHTY God who will bring all these things together. I put it in your hands and I leave it there where I know it’s safe and taken care of.
If you are in a time where your vision seems to be blurry, you have searched all over and it’s still not clear then I ask you to go to God. Pray, Pray, oh and did I say Pray? LISTEN to him, he does answer, just because it’s not something you WANT to hear doesn’t mean he didn’t answer it. It’s probably not going to come the way or time you want it but it’s coming! Make sure it’ll bring glory to God, if it’s for self gratification then he isn’t going to honor that. Be God lead, not flesh lead and trust God’s direction.
-Deema
Founder BareFacesPureHearts- Connect with me on Twitter @WOGMovement25