Archives for posts with tag: Confidence

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Wow, it has been some time since I have blogged or really done anything related to BFPH. I’m NOT proud of that so here I am trying to revamp it. I remember being in a really healthy spiritual and emotional place when I first started BFPH. Things have changed in my life this year and I’m going to speak briefly about it. This blog (and others) have been on my heart but I just didn’t share it but look out for it because I’ll be posting more and more about my journey this year. Let’s dive right into this blog though.

So, early this year I had the chance to meet a pretty nice guy. We talked, he knew God, he honored my decision to be celibate until marriage and he is a parent. I fell for him rather quickly but kept my feelings to myself until I got the official word for him on his feelings. In April, he expressed to me wanting to keep things light and I was devastated but I went with it. In May, he decided that he wanted more and told me he loved me. I was overjoyed and excited to be in a relationship because after all, I’d been single for 4 years. We communicated well, I was able to open up to him about my past hurts, he was supportive of me reuniting my daughter with her father and just was the man of my dreams. I thanked God nightly for him and we began to speak of marriage a few weeks later. I was really over the moon because as you’ve read previously on my blog I deeply desired marriage and thought God had blessed me with this gift and it was about to happen.

Fast forward down a few more months and I had been getting advice from different sources on what to expect in the next phase of our life. I called my Pastor’s wife for her expertise when we had those little arguments and I was actively preparing to be a wife. Now, I know you can NEVER be fully prepared or prepare to be married but I knew there were little issues I had that I’d need to work on before I could marry this man. I did that work and in my mind all things were a go, for him it was not. Recently, we had a petty argument/misunderstanding that I thought we’d brush over. He had been experiencing mixed feelings and decided he wanted to go another direction with his life. Now this has left me baffled, confused, hurt, shocked and so many other things. I’ve been filled with anger and I’ve acted it out on him and I am not happy about that. You just don’t know how you are going to react to someone who has hurt you very deeply. He has been really vocal about his disdain for my treatment of him. I thought how dare he tell me about how he feels after he has driven a knife through my heart and twisted it? The gall of some people but he is right! Just because I am hurting, my job as a daughter of Christ is to still show love and be kind. But how do you show the love of Christ when you are mad at Christ? Yes, I said it, I am angry with Christ because I felt he should’ve saved me from this pain. That’s a trip isn’t it? I’m smart enough to know that God isn’t at fault for this, I am! My relationship with Christ wasn’t even strong when I entered the relationship but here I was expecting him to honor it. I had begun slipping in my bible studies, engaged in some inappropriate conversations with this man but I expected God to cover me in it?

Well my first and most important priority should have been to get right with the Savior. I should’ve stayed connected to the vine instead of running off trying to become married. I should have been working to become whole in Christ instead of making this man my primary focus and neglecting Christ. Truthfully, God spoke to me MANY times in that relationship and gave me warnings not to make him my mini god. I did not listen because I wanted it so bad, I was willing to run through all the warnings and stop signs to get to my fleshly desires.

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Now I know to hear that the suffering we go through is a blessing can sound like an insult, right? I know first hand that I cried my heart, eyes and soul out due to the hardships of life. Isn’t it strange how we can go through something that we feel we can’t bare and we serve this awesome God, but where is he???? Like, what God would treat his children like this? What Loving father would allow you to lose your job, your spouse, your home, your mother or father, right? A good God and if you continue reading I’m going to help you see why he is worthy to be praised in the midst of these and many more troubles. James 1, verse two tells us that when we see trouble this is time to be happy. Sounds impossible up against what you’re facing right now huh? It is not because God has brought you to it to change you in the trouble. A lot of our troubles are troubles because we’ve seen in our past and maybe we didn’t handle it so here it comes again. In my particular case, my faith was a thing I just could not get right to save my entire life and I’d prayed to be more trusting of God so he gave me the opportunity.

A few months ago my family and I started having problems with our landlord. Oh he’s been taking us through the ringer theses days. I’m talking rent increase, 90 day notices, attorneys threatening me and I just freaked out. I cried, I stressed, I doubted, but in the end God came through. He sent a news anchor to tell our story on the most popular new station and in turn our landlord retracted. I was so ecstatic and thanked God for showing up and out in our situation. Now fast forward to February 12, 2015 and here comes this SAME attorney in my emails with a whole new notice. I opened it and low and behold our landlord has decided to sale the place. Ohhhh did I get upset and immediately begin to freak out once AGAIN, crying and screaming BUT I heard “o ye of little faith”.

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I’d reached out to multiple attorneys offices and even called my friend at the news station and they were of little help. Then I remembered, HEY, you have been through this and the same God that saved you from this situation last time will have glory in this situation too. I checked myself and thanked God for bringing me back to this situation to strengthen my faith. See, God equips us with exactly what we need, we just have to be faithful and humble enough to endure and grow from our troubles. I know the growing period and learning phase can feel like it is goingto end your life. I submit to you today to ask GOD, “What lesson are you teaching me in this?” “Where can I grow and how can I do better this next time around?” I promise when you see your trials and tribulations in this light you will feel so much better because it brings you back to the rock. God is standing right there waiting for you to exercise your faith and even pray to him, he is waiting on you to call upon him. He operates in the impossible, in your faith he is at work and all you have to do is believe he is here for you.

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Right now, just lay across your bed, couch or even drop to your knees and say God forgive me for missing the lesson. Lord I know you are faithful, I know you will bring me through so I hand it over to you right here today. I will not stress, doubt or worry about what man can do because you surpass it all. Lord I hear your teaching, I submit to your direction and I praise you for this time of suffering because in it I am made stronger and wiser. Father I outstretch my arms as I lay, stand or kneel acknowledging you for all that you are and welcoming in your spirit to guide me. Forgive me father for(name your sin/doubt) and create in me a new mind and understanding. This is my prayer, my request unto you Oh God. Amen

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If you are in need of prayer, reach out in the comments and I’ll email you. We can walk this path together, connected through God’s love. You have help, you have a prayer partner if you need one and God will see you through. God bless you!

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image(Photo credit: Bibleapp)

This bible verse just completely wrecked me when I read it. Lately, I’ve been seeking God and honestly it has not been with my whole heart. What I mean by that is, I have been hesitant to completely surrender unto him. I’ve been really honest about my walk and my struggles. I wanted to put in a half effort and get great results and of course I learned, God isn’t going to allow that. I have recently been reading a lot of spiritual books, doing a little meditation and increasing my prayer life. Things have been tense but I still know that God has a plan for me, I just need to be still and trust him.

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Today just so happens to be my daughter’s 6th birthday and although I had a great time, my mind was running. Thinking about how I am going to make ends meet and it became overwhelming. As I pulled down her decorations I remembered that I was supposed to start my Jesus Calling devotional yesterday. I came into my room, book in hand and decided I was going to start reading it. As I began to read the introduction, I felt an overwhelming feeling to lay down. I ignored my body but kept on reading and I heard God saying to me, “surrender”. I kept reading trying to ignore the voice I had heard and I heard it again, “surrender”. Now, I’ve heard of this type of thing but I always quietly doubted it because it hadn’t happened to me.

imageimageimage(Photo credit: Sarah Young “Jesus Calling”

I could not even believe that God was pulling at my heart strings like that. He knew my “secret” of trying to run from him so he came and got me. When I say I ended up sprawled out, across my bed with tears streaming down my face, I mean it. All I could do was say, “Lord, I surrender” over and over again! I began to tell him that I’m handing it over to him, the guilt, the shame, the impatience, the impurities, the questioning and doubting him. I could not get up and as I poured my heart out to him, I slowly felt a warm peace come over me. I just laid there with my face in my covers and my eyes closed for a minute as he soothed my worried mind. Before I knew it, all that heaviness I’ve been carrying around for weeks just melted right off of me. I didn’t worry about how people would judge me because of the way my life has been going for the past couple of years. I found comfort in Jeremiah 29:11. I felt comfort in the fact that he has a plan for me and in due time, he will reveal it. I don’t have to stack myself up against someone else’s success because he has me in a special spot. He knows the plans he has for me and my season isn’t here yet but he is working behind the scenes for me. He definitely loves me and he has great things in store for me. No matter how tough things get, he is not leaving me but shaping and molding me. Let’s Pray!

Father God,

I come to you now thanking you for revealing yourself to me in a special way. I thank you for hearing my fears, seeing my tears and coming to remind me of your love for me. Lord, this journey may not be easy but you have not and will not leave me. Father I know that you have my best interest at heart and I bless your name for hiding me until I am more mature spiritually. I know that you have great plans for me and you have come to get your daughter and reassure me that everything is going to be okay. Thank you Lord for loving me even when I didn’t want it. Forgive me for pushing you away and doubting your capabilities in my situation. I surrender unto your direction, unto your word and cast all my burdens upon you because I know you will take care of them. Thank you for sustaining me and continuing to open spiritual doors for me to walk through and learn. It is in your mighty name I pray,

Amen

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Celibacy Feature

www.newlyfoundfaith.wordpress.com

Tell me about yourself 

 I am a novelist, public servant and speaker. Oftentimes, I am summoned to speak with youth and young adults, as it pertains to healing, celibacy and education. My recent publication, What Are You Bringing to the Table, has garnered the attention of individuals nationwide as I endeavored to encourage women to take OFF their safari jackets. The focus needs to be on Becoming “The One,” as opposed to Finding“The One.” After all, relationships start in the Mirror, not in the Sheets…

 

What brought you to the celibacy lifestyle? 

Through the grace of God, I have been able to maintain my virginity for 32 years.

 

How has being celibate changed your life?

It has enabled me to think more clearly due to the fact that once you get involved with someone sexually it can certainly cloud your judgment. I am more inclined to discern the hearts of those with false intentions and motivate women to join me in the process to work on as many of our unresolved issues as possible.

 

Do you believe celibacy is something that all women should practice?

Absolutely! Every single woman should practice celibacy. There are entirely too many diseases to engage in casual sex. Your body should be a gift to your husband, not a convenience for your friend.  Engaging in premarital sex during monogamous relationships is still considered fornication. If at all possible, children deserve the opportunity to grow up in solid, two parent household structures (ordained by God of course.

 

What advice would you give to women struggling with deciding to become celibate?

Get to the root of the issue! Are you engaging in pre-marital sex because you fear losing the guy to someone else? Is your body all you have to offer? Are you continuing to have sex because you have already lost your virginity so you think your body is no longer valuable? Waiting until marriage to have sex does NOT guarantee happily ever after, but neither does premarital sex. We live in a sex-crazed society; therefore, you have to be mindful of the company you keep. Don’t half-step the process. For example, if you’re giving up cake, you don’t eat the icing. In simpler terms, no adult toys, oral sex or games to see how close you can get before you cross the line. You wouldn’t get half as many heartbreaks if you worked on your issues and make your body off limits until marriage.

 

What do you say to the women in a relationship who’s been sexually active with her boyfriend and believes she can’t stop having sex with him now because she’s already started?

If –and I mean if- God has ordained for you and your boyfriend to be together, what’s hindering you both from getting married? If you both have committed to cell phone contracts, mortgages, rent, leases, etc, then what’s prohibiting the ultimate commitment? Just because you’ve already started something, does Not mean you can’t stop. If you’re like me, you can attest to the fact that you’ve already started eating more than you should over the years and that is no excuse to continue an unhealthy lifestyle.

 

What words of wisdom do you want to share with our sisters in Christ regarding Celibacy?

Once you really see yourself as a prize, you won’t let just anyone unwrap you. Don’t allow another person to see you in your honeymoon aura, if you have never made it to the honeymoon.

 

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