Archives for posts with tag: COURTING

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Wow, it has been some time since I have blogged or really done anything related to BFPH. I’m NOT proud of that so here I am trying to revamp it. I remember being in a really healthy spiritual and emotional place when I first started BFPH. Things have changed in my life this year and I’m going to speak briefly about it. This blog (and others) have been on my heart but I just didn’t share it but look out for it because I’ll be posting more and more about my journey this year. Let’s dive right into this blog though.

So, early this year I had the chance to meet a pretty nice guy. We talked, he knew God, he honored my decision to be celibate until marriage and he is a parent. I fell for him rather quickly but kept my feelings to myself until I got the official word for him on his feelings. In April, he expressed to me wanting to keep things light and I was devastated but I went with it. In May, he decided that he wanted more and told me he loved me. I was overjoyed and excited to be in a relationship because after all, I’d been single for 4 years. We communicated well, I was able to open up to him about my past hurts, he was supportive of me reuniting my daughter with her father and just was the man of my dreams. I thanked God nightly for him and we began to speak of marriage a few weeks later. I was really over the moon because as you’ve read previously on my blog I deeply desired marriage and thought God had blessed me with this gift and it was about to happen.

Fast forward down a few more months and I had been getting advice from different sources on what to expect in the next phase of our life. I called my Pastor’s wife for her expertise when we had those little arguments and I was actively preparing to be a wife. Now, I know you can NEVER be fully prepared or prepare to be married but I knew there were little issues I had that I’d need to work on before I could marry this man. I did that work and in my mind all things were a go, for him it was not. Recently, we had a petty argument/misunderstanding that I thought we’d brush over. He had been experiencing mixed feelings and decided he wanted to go another direction with his life. Now this has left me baffled, confused, hurt, shocked and so many other things. I’ve been filled with anger and I’ve acted it out on him and I am not happy about that. You just don’t know how you are going to react to someone who has hurt you very deeply. He has been really vocal about his disdain for my treatment of him. I thought how dare he tell me about how he feels after he has driven a knife through my heart and twisted it? The gall of some people but he is right! Just because I am hurting, my job as a daughter of Christ is to still show love and be kind. But how do you show the love of Christ when you are mad at Christ? Yes, I said it, I am angry with Christ because I felt he should’ve saved me from this pain. That’s a trip isn’t it? I’m smart enough to know that God isn’t at fault for this, I am! My relationship with Christ wasn’t even strong when I entered the relationship but here I was expecting him to honor it. I had begun slipping in my bible studies, engaged in some inappropriate conversations with this man but I expected God to cover me in it?

Well my first and most important priority should have been to get right with the Savior. I should’ve stayed connected to the vine instead of running off trying to become married. I should have been working to become whole in Christ instead of making this man my primary focus and neglecting Christ. Truthfully, God spoke to me MANY times in that relationship and gave me warnings not to make him my mini god. I did not listen because I wanted it so bad, I was willing to run through all the warnings and stop signs to get to my fleshly desires.

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When you hear the word celibate it sends most people running for the hills. Thankfully it was brought to my attention AFTER I decided to commit to GOD with my entire being. If you know me, you know I was raised by a Preacher and a housewife so it shouldn’t of been taboo right? WRONG! Not only were mom and dad Preacher and preacher’s wife but they were from the SOUTH. YOU KNOW that’s like the military don’t ask, don’t tell policy. I was brought up on don’t have sex, no explanation, no talks just DON’T DO IT! So you bet I went straight to the streets to experiment. I won’t speak on all my relationships but about 6 years ago I got in a relationship with a guy who I thought was HIM, IT, THE ONE AND ALL THAT! Long story short we have a 4 year old daughter now who I raise alone. I went through HELL, the trenches and some horrible days the last couple of years with this person. I finally prayed and said “God, I’m going to end this relationship BUT I don’t want to hurt like I did a few months ago when I put him out.” I got off my bed packed his things, dropped them off, got my daughter, went to court for 6 months won custody and was DONE. It was after that I decided to get on the right track with GOD fully. I can honestly say reading different blogs, following high power pastors and people of God brought me through. I was lost and when I connected to other women of God I was learning what was required of me. I decided celibacy was a path I’d take and it’s been 22 months since I made that decision. I have met a few guys but when they hear me say I’m celibate they look for the nearest exit. I’m saving myself for my husband and that will NOT be changed by anyone who just wants my body and to run off. Now I know God smiles on me for honoring his commands. The way I see it is; if a man truly loves you he won’t taint your body before he commits solely to you. He’ll know his worth and respect that you know yours and marry you. Are you familiar with the term “why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free?” Yes sex IS CREATED FOR MARRIAGE, not for anybody who just wants a 5 second thrill and will be in the next persons bed in 10 minutes. All you do is create a soul tie ( a connection through sharing your body with someone who is not your husband) and leave you broken and your body used. I’ve heard people say well it’s just a piece of paper, yes it is a piece of paper that GOD created and designed for us to be committed and create families through. I’ve heard people say well don’t you have a daughter? YES I DO, I had premarital sex and in turn have become a single mother because that person wasn’t the right one for me and doesn’t do his part so I learned from my mistakes. Let’s discuss some pros of being celibate

1. YOU GET TO KNOW THE PERSON: This shows you who the person is, where their morals are, if they have a relationship with Christ, if they respect their body and yours.

2. YOU CAN BUILD A FRIENDSHIP: It allows you to be friends, have fun, learn about each other,  and IF they are right for you then you can start to date

3. YOU LEARN WHO CARES FOR YOU AND WHO JUST WANTS YOUR BODY: most men/women who come trying to get with you have NO intention of marrying you. You just share your body with them and that isn’t going to keep them. You’ve just tied your soul to them and they are off to the next person who’ll have the.

4. YOU ARE WALKING IN GOD’S WILL: God is smiling on you and will in turn send you a mate that you can be courted by or court. He’ll send you that one person who you are designed to be with and who you can have a family with. If you honor him then he’ll in turn honor you, your life and your marriage.

5. YOU CHERISH YOURSELF SO THAT YOU DON’T ACCEPT ANYTHING BUT THE BEST: It’s amazing to have standards and once you cherish yourself, you will only accept the best. You won’t tolerate cheating, lying and disrespect! You will require he/she has a relationship with Christ. Not just going to church, bible study and reading their bible, their works will show. They will be living the word out in front of your eyes.