Archives for posts with tag: Courtship

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Wow, it has been some time since I have blogged or really done anything related to BFPH. I’m NOT proud of that so here I am trying to revamp it. I remember being in a really healthy spiritual and emotional place when I first started BFPH. Things have changed in my life this year and I’m going to speak briefly about it. This blog (and others) have been on my heart but I just didn’t share it but look out for it because I’ll be posting more and more about my journey this year. Let’s dive right into this blog though.

So, early this year I had the chance to meet a pretty nice guy. We talked, he knew God, he honored my decision to be celibate until marriage and he is a parent. I fell for him rather quickly but kept my feelings to myself until I got the official word for him on his feelings. In April, he expressed to me wanting to keep things light and I was devastated but I went with it. In May, he decided that he wanted more and told me he loved me. I was overjoyed and excited to be in a relationship because after all, I’d been single for 4 years. We communicated well, I was able to open up to him about my past hurts, he was supportive of me reuniting my daughter with her father and just was the man of my dreams. I thanked God nightly for him and we began to speak of marriage a few weeks later. I was really over the moon because as you’ve read previously on my blog I deeply desired marriage and thought God had blessed me with this gift and it was about to happen.

Fast forward down a few more months and I had been getting advice from different sources on what to expect in the next phase of our life. I called my Pastor’s wife for her expertise when we had those little arguments and I was actively preparing to be a wife. Now, I know you can NEVER be fully prepared or prepare to be married but I knew there were little issues I had that I’d need to work on before I could marry this man. I did that work and in my mind all things were a go, for him it was not. Recently, we had a petty argument/misunderstanding that I thought we’d brush over. He had been experiencing mixed feelings and decided he wanted to go another direction with his life. Now this has left me baffled, confused, hurt, shocked and so many other things. I’ve been filled with anger and I’ve acted it out on him and I am not happy about that. You just don’t know how you are going to react to someone who has hurt you very deeply. He has been really vocal about his disdain for my treatment of him. I thought how dare he tell me about how he feels after he has driven a knife through my heart and twisted it? The gall of some people but he is right! Just because I am hurting, my job as a daughter of Christ is to still show love and be kind. But how do you show the love of Christ when you are mad at Christ? Yes, I said it, I am angry with Christ because I felt he should’ve saved me from this pain. That’s a trip isn’t it? I’m smart enough to know that God isn’t at fault for this, I am! My relationship with Christ wasn’t even strong when I entered the relationship but here I was expecting him to honor it. I had begun slipping in my bible studies, engaged in some inappropriate conversations with this man but I expected God to cover me in it?

Well my first and most important priority should have been to get right with the Savior. I should’ve stayed connected to the vine instead of running off trying to become married. I should have been working to become whole in Christ instead of making this man my primary focus and neglecting Christ. Truthfully, God spoke to me MANY times in that relationship and gave me warnings not to make him my mini god. I did not listen because I wanted it so bad, I was willing to run through all the warnings and stop signs to get to my fleshly desires.

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This bible verse just completely wrecked me when I read it. Lately, I’ve been seeking God and honestly it has not been with my whole heart. What I mean by that is, I have been hesitant to completely surrender unto him. I’ve been really honest about my walk and my struggles. I wanted to put in a half effort and get great results and of course I learned, God isn’t going to allow that. I have recently been reading a lot of spiritual books, doing a little meditation and increasing my prayer life. Things have been tense but I still know that God has a plan for me, I just need to be still and trust him.

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Today just so happens to be my daughter’s 6th birthday and although I had a great time, my mind was running. Thinking about how I am going to make ends meet and it became overwhelming. As I pulled down her decorations I remembered that I was supposed to start my Jesus Calling devotional yesterday. I came into my room, book in hand and decided I was going to start reading it. As I began to read the introduction, I felt an overwhelming feeling to lay down. I ignored my body but kept on reading and I heard God saying to me, “surrender”. I kept reading trying to ignore the voice I had heard and I heard it again, “surrender”. Now, I’ve heard of this type of thing but I always quietly doubted it because it hadn’t happened to me.

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I could not even believe that God was pulling at my heart strings like that. He knew my “secret” of trying to run from him so he came and got me. When I say I ended up sprawled out, across my bed with tears streaming down my face, I mean it. All I could do was say, “Lord, I surrender” over and over again! I began to tell him that I’m handing it over to him, the guilt, the shame, the impatience, the impurities, the questioning and doubting him. I could not get up and as I poured my heart out to him, I slowly felt a warm peace come over me. I just laid there with my face in my covers and my eyes closed for a minute as he soothed my worried mind. Before I knew it, all that heaviness I’ve been carrying around for weeks just melted right off of me. I didn’t worry about how people would judge me because of the way my life has been going for the past couple of years. I found comfort in Jeremiah 29:11. I felt comfort in the fact that he has a plan for me and in due time, he will reveal it. I don’t have to stack myself up against someone else’s success because he has me in a special spot. He knows the plans he has for me and my season isn’t here yet but he is working behind the scenes for me. He definitely loves me and he has great things in store for me. No matter how tough things get, he is not leaving me but shaping and molding me. Let’s Pray!

Father God,

I come to you now thanking you for revealing yourself to me in a special way. I thank you for hearing my fears, seeing my tears and coming to remind me of your love for me. Lord, this journey may not be easy but you have not and will not leave me. Father I know that you have my best interest at heart and I bless your name for hiding me until I am more mature spiritually. I know that you have great plans for me and you have come to get your daughter and reassure me that everything is going to be okay. Thank you Lord for loving me even when I didn’t want it. Forgive me for pushing you away and doubting your capabilities in my situation. I surrender unto your direction, unto your word and cast all my burdens upon you because I know you will take care of them. Thank you for sustaining me and continuing to open spiritual doors for me to walk through and learn. It is in your mighty name I pray,

Amen

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I know at times it can be hard to feel and be connected to God. Sometimes it is a lack of faith, current health situation, feeling abandoned by him or just not putting in that work. Are you ashamed to admit it? Do you feel it makes you less of a Christian? Are you angry at God? Well it is normal to have those feelings when you are operating outside of your connection. I can totally relate as I’m going through the season currently. I’ll share with you what is helping me and my prayer is that it will bless you.

Recently, things have gone up and down in my life. From my health to finances to family woes, it has been really trying. I went from studying my word, blogging regularly, praying consistently and connecting to God to none of that. I am going to be honest because someone needs to hear this! It went from thirsting for God’s word to always complaint and throwing myself pity parties. Little by little I stopped reading my bible plan, skipping morning prayer, blogging sporadically and not doing God’s business. Why? Because I became upset with God and where he had me, I felt abandoned. I became so flesh led that I thought “turning my back on him” was hurting him (wow right?). I never realized how much it was hurting me and ruining our connection.

One day I had this profound thought and it was to return to him with my entire heart and soul. I was expecting so much in MY time that I didn’t even acknowledge his timing is perfect. I had to find a way to get back to him so I decided little by little to plug back in. Making prayer my starting point of the day is back on my list. If you want to reconnect to God you HAVE to talk to him and center yourself in his presence without interruption. Don’t give him a quick second and go about your day giving all of yourself to everything/everyone else.

Get in your word: You have to know his word to connect to him because in his silence, his word ALWAYS speaks. That prayer and Bible together is your direct line and connection to him. That is as close as you can get to him when seeking that reconnect. I still struggle because I have that battle of the flesh vs. what I know I should be doing.

Limit distractions: For me, social media can be VERY distracting! If it causes you to covet, lust, question God or spend less time with God, CUT IT until you are spiritually mature. I left Facebook almost 2 years ago and I just deleted Instagram a week ago because I’m not spiritually mature enough to balance. I’ll admit I found myself coveting, questioning and then getting upset with God for where he has me.

Buy yourself some books and read encouraging blogs: I purchased a few books that will pour into me and grow me spiritually. I also browse blogs that have an encouraging word and bring me back. Writing blogs is also a great way to check myself and pour into someone else facing my struggles. I’m brutally honest in my blogs because I want people to know, YES I struggle with these things. I’m not ashamed to share it because I’m better because of it and you will be too.

Have a heart-to-heart with God: Don’t be ashamed, embarrassed or too filled with pride to speak to God. He wants to hear from you! He is waiting for you and I to find our way back. He welcomes us back with open arms and doesn’t beat us down because of our disconnect. Pour your heart out, get back in his presence, start anew and most of all plug back in, your signal is strong.

Standing with you in prayer,

BareFacesPureHearts

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So I know first hand how hard it is to wait on God to reveal his plans for our lives. You get impatient, you get discouraged, you get stressed and possibly depressed but trust his timing. This last week hasn’t been easy for me, I’ve had my health come under attack and it has left me a little sad. While going through the motions and the days of sadness I just ran across this verse. Jeremiah 29:11 which reads; for I know the thoughts that I think toward you, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you an unexpected end. Doesn’t it seem as though God is punishing you at times? The hell rages on, the bad news just keeps coming and you don’t know where to turn besides right back to the same God, you may be doubting. Well hopefully after this blog you can be encouraged that God is standing right there and has good plans for your life.

 

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For about a year I’ve been seeking employment, praying for things my heart desires but never stopped doing my own self work. I realized I had some things I needed to work on before I could even think of asking God for more. I’ve been doing that work and still praying daily and at times I’ve gotten discouraged but I understand God has a plan. Now if it was my plans, I’d be married, working, living on my own and enjoying an abundant life with no worries. With God, that just isn’t his plan, even in my discouragement I could look back and say God isn’t going to leave me hanging. All my needs were met but he still is doing a work in me and requiring more of me before he can elevate me. At times it has felt like I’ve been left right in the middle of Hell, he turned his back on me but the truth is, he didn’t. God has a way of humbling us and bringing us right back to him.  I have a couple tips for you in your times of trouble and will hopefully giving you a new perspective. 

Tip 1: Increase your faith, decrease your thoughts: When you are thinking too much and fussing at God you are giving the devil glory. Set your faith in motion and start claiming your freedom from the situation right now! God hears every prayer and just because he hasn’t answered them right now doesn’t mean he isn’t going to answer them later. 

Tip 2:  Do a motive check: Whatever you are asking God for, make sure it’s not for selfish reasons. When you get that house, will you run any and everybody through it? When you get that job will you be a faithful tithe giver? When your health gets better will you turn back around and feed it poison? These are all things you need to think about when going to God for things. 

Like I mentioned before God has a plan for our lives, we don’t need to help him. He has everything set for his timing and we just have to trust him and increase our faith. I know first hand that it isn’t always the easiest thing to do and we think God needs help but HE DOESN’T. Just reflect on any time where you were in a situation and couldn’t see your way out. Didn’t God step in, clean up your mess and still love you like you’d never done anything? Yes, he has done it for me and I just thank him for his perfect timing. I know my health is going to improve, I know my plans take a back seat to his and I will continue to trust him. Will you?

Let’s pray,

Father God,

I come to you with a humble heart and a mind set on you. Thank you Lord for your plans and your perfect timing. I ask that you hear my heart and comfort me in times of distress. I know you will not leave me hanging and out to dry. You are such a gracious God and you have great thoughts toward me. I’ve never seen the righteous forsaken and never will because I am your child. In your name I pray,

amen

 

The definition of empty is containing nothing, not filled or occupied. So what happens when we as people start to feel empty? Wearing a smile but on the inside of us feeling like we are broken, nothing to offer and plain ol empty. For some people you may have grown accustom to putting on this front so it doesn’t seem strange, sound familiar? We’ll I come to tell you, it is time to fill your glass through the word of GOD.

For the past few weeks my sister and I have been battling people over our children. With my daughter, it has been body image and she is only 5!!!! I didn’t know this issue was possible at such a young age but I’m not shocked because I too battled it. I came to find out my daughter is feeling self conscious because a little boy in her class  has been making comments about her. Now I’ll be honest, I told her to knock his head off( pray for me) but I had to retract the statement.  I immediately started to reaffirm her, telling her God does not make mistakes and she is fearfully and wonderfully made (psalms 139:14). I ended up telling her not to even play with him anymore because he is not being nice to her.  As a woman I understand we have to deal with men our entire lives, what we go through young does carry into adulthood. If you have a little boy downing you at 5, that sets a tone and you have a duty to protect yourself and be protected.

For my sister the issue is quite different because it’s adults being inappropriate with her daughter. I’m talking about people who should KNOW better, like too old to be antagonizing a child. My niece was born premature so she can’t sit down for long periods of time, talks more than some children and might act up a bit. We know these things but some adults aren’t smarter than 5th graders and just write children off as bad because they do not fit their mold. From the school to some other places it’s been a battle, people pushing her to the side, kicking her out of places (YES A 5 YEAR OLD) all because they haven’t taken the time to understand her. This made me VERY upset and even brought my sister to tears because of the treatment and stress. I was so upset because God has said children are a gift to us and we are to treat them well (psalms 127: 3-5) . When adults forget this, they are able to do things that they know are not right and God will punish them for it. 

In these situations we have felt empty, tired of repeating ourselves and having to tell grown ups how to handle children. You’d think it was pretty simple but it is not and can cause you to feel helpless. The thing that encourages me is that, God is fighting this battle with us and he knows our heart. He knows we honestly want the best for our children and he knows that we are going to follow his guidance on the situation. A verse that encourages me is Matthew 11:28 going down to 30 and it simply says ” Come unto me, all that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light. Somebody ought to feel encouraged right there because he just told you, you aren’t carrying this alone. Give it to me and I will work it out for you, where you can only do so much I can do all things so let me handle this. This is a situation where all you can do is trust him to turn it around and watch him work his blessings over you and your situation. That empty feeling you went to sleep on should’ve been given to him in your night time prayer to him. I have a habit of flopping down face first on my bed and calling on the name of Jesus. I just get to that point where the only thing I can say is Jesus, help me, I am DONE and I can’t handle this. He sweeps right in and reassures me that he has this and to release my cares on to him and he will refill my once empty feeling cup. When you are feeling empty in your flesh, take time to feed your spirit because he has a blessing for you. You aren’t going through this trial in vain, he is strengthening you and building your faith muscle. When you have less just remember there is an On on the end, this LESSon is just preparing you for greater ahead and you need to know that! Rest in his word, believe in his promises and watch the outcome of your situation. Let’s pray!

 

Dear Gracious Father,

I thank you for waking me this morning, thank you for giving me a testimony, thank you for working things out for me that I can’t even see. As I come to you today I ask that you would touch the hearts of people who are mistreating my children. I ask that you create a plan for these people to learn to show you instead of their flesh. I don’t know what things they are going through behind the scenes but I ask that you touch their hearts, minds, souls and lives so they can be better in you. I ask that you continue to fight for and with myself and my children as I try to teach them your ways. Lord I know you are mighty and that you can turn any bad situation into a beautiful situation and I believe you for that in my situation.  Thank you Lord for loving me, protecting me, strengthening me and guiding me in life, in your name I pray,

amen

I can count on both hands and feet how many times people have told me to fight for what I believe in. We believe just because we believe in it, it is going to work in our favor, right? WRONG, I’m here to tell you if you don’t consult God, it is not going to work in your favor. I’ve been placed in difficult positions lately, from friendships to teachers and family and it just gets tough. You think if your fight is for a good cause nobody will be able to deny you and they WILL. 

Recently I decided to reach out to a state program that my daughter attends because it just hasn’t been flowing right. I’d tried speaking to the teacher and she just wasn’t receptive. When I enrolled her I was told it was Pre-K but they had so many different elements in the classroom I didn’t believe she would learn anything. I’m talking about children ages 3-5, some don’t speak English, they were playing all day and I was just fed up. After getting no where with the teacher I finally had to call in the big dogs also known as the director and state officials. It went from the blame game to the straight up “how much money do you have to put toward this program?” I was shocked because I thought inquiring about a proper education for my soon to be kindergartner would be smiled upon. Sadly it was not and I felt totally defeated, I got off the phone feeling like a dart had been shot into my chest.

I simply had to just pull out woman’s biggest weapon known to man, prayer. I laid on my bed and just poured my heart out to God, letting him know how I felt and asking for his direction. I wanted to get things done on MY timing not giving God the upper hand and letting him work things out. I just felt an urgency to “make them do their job” but God was sitting me down to watch him work. Isn’t it sometimes frustrating when we cant get things our way? Don’t you just despise having to stay in your seat when you feel you were called to action? Well don’t because God has a plan for your hardships and frustration.

After my attempts, I’m still unsure of what the outcome is but I trust and believe he is working things out on my behalf. I truly believe he will not let things continue the way they have been going. Although I want to keep fighting for it, I refuse to get in his way trying to fix things myself. He has promised me in his word that what is meant for my bad, he’ll turn for my good so I’ll rest in that. I also know for without faith it is impossible to please him. I won’t give bible scriptures because I want you to go look it up for yourself. Just know that your crying is only momentarily, it has it’s expiration date and he is going to take care of it, WHEN you leave it to him.

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As a woman whose been in relationships that weren’t the best for me, I realize how you can get swept up in lust covered as love. It’s very easy to get caught up in the feeling vs. the reality of your relationship. You make excuses for why he/she is the one and how they make your heart smile and so on. He looks like everything you dreamed of as a child, she looks like everything you wanted in a woman as a young boy. What happens when it turns out to be just a facade? What happens when you are gut punched with the reality of he/she not being who lust told you they were on your journey seeking love? I’ll tell you what happens, you end in the fetal position on your bed asking God why.

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Growing up, if you are lucky your parents sat you down and told you what to expect from a relationship. You were raised deep in the word of God and the dangers of premarital sex were explained to you. If you are like most people I know, that didn’t happen so you were left fending for yourself to figure out what love was. I’m 25 and the first time lust was explained to me was in a blog and that was AFTER i became a single mom. I don’t mean the cute version of single mom, I mean the child is with you 24 AND the 7, no social life and no resources kind of single motherhood. The word SOUL TIE was introduced to me last year when I started to diligently seek Christ. I’m writing this blog because even though I got it late, I want to share it with you early, here today, right now.

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What you should know is when you are seeking love God has already given it to you. There is nothing you can do to change the way he feels about you. He knows you are going to mess up and that’s why he sent his son to die for you. What you seek in man or woman, he’s already giving you so be fulfilled in that. Nothing about love equals lust, either it is or it isn’t and that’s how you should view people. I used to be one of those girls who fell in love with potential. Oh it wasn’t anything you could tell me about it either, I’d defend the unemployment, I’d defend the other girls and I’d dare you to challenge me. Granted I’d never picked up a bible to see what God said love was. I don’t want you to be the one who doesn’t pick up a bible so you travel the world seeking something that isn’t real.

The day I woke up from forever was when I’d found myself in a toxic relationship. I thought because I waited 6 months to have sex that I was doing something. I tied my soul up and BAD, for those of you who don’t know a soul tie is when you have sex with someone who has not put some papers and a ring on it! If he didn’t approach you, court you, consult God on your relationship/ courtship, wait for confirmation from God, get a yes from God, propose to you, go to the court house file for a marriage license, stand before you and your family and friends and marry you then get intimate, you’ve tied souls. Premarital sex creates a soul tie because you are sharing your body with someone other than your husband/wife.

I know some people don’t believe it takes all that and those are the people I tell “READ YOUR BIBLE!” I got all caught up with a toxic person even became a mother from that toxic relationship and it brought me to right here today. Now I understand had I not went through that, I wouldn’t have a relationship with Christ. Sure, I identified with Christianity but I never knew it actually came along with task until I gave my life fully to him. I now know if a man wants to have sex, kiss all on me and get in my personal space he isn’t for me! I desire a man of God, not just one who sits in a church on Sunday and Wednesday nights right beside a Pastor because it looks good. I won’t settle for a man other than one who is so lost in God that he bleeds the word because I am lost in my word that way.

I desire a man who is God lead now, not flesh lead because that’ll breed fleshly desires and I’ve been there before. I now know what God says about me, what he requires of me and what it means to have a relationship with him. Just because you are in a relationship that doesn’t bring God glory doesn’t mean you have to stay in it. You can get out of that at anytime, you can stop answering those late night phone calls for him/her tonight. Pick up your bible and read what LOVE truly is and how that’s what you should require and give. Don’t let what you want him/her to be cloud your judgement and cause you to miss out on the one God has for you. You are SOOOOOOOOOO worth the best! You are SOOOO worth being loved and cared for and not just for someone’s temporary pleasures! Don’t leave this earth stuck in the mentality that you should be OK with a flesh lead relationship. You are priceless, God fights for you, he gave his son FOR YOU! I don’t know about you but I wouldn’t give up my only son for a bunch of sinners but God did because he thinks that much of YOU! Just love yourself, just thank God for that thought alone, just start off with you desire for better and progression. Let’s Pray!

Dear Heavenly Father,

I thank you for your son, I thank you for this day to do better, I thank you for your love and your mercy. As I sit before you I ask you create in me a clean heart. I ask that you show me how to love myself the way you love me! I need you Lord and you’ve been so merciful and awesome while I’ve been stuck in my mess. I vow to do better and choose to serve you and bring glory and honor to your name. I know I deserve the best and I trust you will bring the best to me as I travel this journey called life. As I fall on my knees begging for your forgiveness for the sins I’ve committed I trust and believe you are working things out for my good. As times get tough I will turn to you and seek your guidance because I know you’ve got me. Thank you Lord for the awakening I’ve been given today and may I be a vessel for you forever.

In your precious name it is I pray,’

Amen

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Celibacy Feature

www.newlyfoundfaith.wordpress.com

Tell me about yourself 

 I am a novelist, public servant and speaker. Oftentimes, I am summoned to speak with youth and young adults, as it pertains to healing, celibacy and education. My recent publication, What Are You Bringing to the Table, has garnered the attention of individuals nationwide as I endeavored to encourage women to take OFF their safari jackets. The focus needs to be on Becoming “The One,” as opposed to Finding“The One.” After all, relationships start in the Mirror, not in the Sheets…

 

What brought you to the celibacy lifestyle? 

Through the grace of God, I have been able to maintain my virginity for 32 years.

 

How has being celibate changed your life?

It has enabled me to think more clearly due to the fact that once you get involved with someone sexually it can certainly cloud your judgment. I am more inclined to discern the hearts of those with false intentions and motivate women to join me in the process to work on as many of our unresolved issues as possible.

 

Do you believe celibacy is something that all women should practice?

Absolutely! Every single woman should practice celibacy. There are entirely too many diseases to engage in casual sex. Your body should be a gift to your husband, not a convenience for your friend.  Engaging in premarital sex during monogamous relationships is still considered fornication. If at all possible, children deserve the opportunity to grow up in solid, two parent household structures (ordained by God of course.

 

What advice would you give to women struggling with deciding to become celibate?

Get to the root of the issue! Are you engaging in pre-marital sex because you fear losing the guy to someone else? Is your body all you have to offer? Are you continuing to have sex because you have already lost your virginity so you think your body is no longer valuable? Waiting until marriage to have sex does NOT guarantee happily ever after, but neither does premarital sex. We live in a sex-crazed society; therefore, you have to be mindful of the company you keep. Don’t half-step the process. For example, if you’re giving up cake, you don’t eat the icing. In simpler terms, no adult toys, oral sex or games to see how close you can get before you cross the line. You wouldn’t get half as many heartbreaks if you worked on your issues and make your body off limits until marriage.

 

What do you say to the women in a relationship who’s been sexually active with her boyfriend and believes she can’t stop having sex with him now because she’s already started?

If –and I mean if- God has ordained for you and your boyfriend to be together, what’s hindering you both from getting married? If you both have committed to cell phone contracts, mortgages, rent, leases, etc, then what’s prohibiting the ultimate commitment? Just because you’ve already started something, does Not mean you can’t stop. If you’re like me, you can attest to the fact that you’ve already started eating more than you should over the years and that is no excuse to continue an unhealthy lifestyle.

 

What words of wisdom do you want to share with our sisters in Christ regarding Celibacy?

Once you really see yourself as a prize, you won’t let just anyone unwrap you. Don’t allow another person to see you in your honeymoon aura, if you have never made it to the honeymoon.

 

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