Archives for posts with tag: God’s Timing

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Wow, it has been some time since I have blogged or really done anything related to BFPH. I’m NOT proud of that so here I am trying to revamp it. I remember being in a really healthy spiritual and emotional place when I first started BFPH. Things have changed in my life this year and I’m going to speak briefly about it. This blog (and others) have been on my heart but I just didn’t share it but look out for it because I’ll be posting more and more about my journey this year. Let’s dive right into this blog though.

So, early this year I had the chance to meet a pretty nice guy. We talked, he knew God, he honored my decision to be celibate until marriage and he is a parent. I fell for him rather quickly but kept my feelings to myself until I got the official word for him on his feelings. In April, he expressed to me wanting to keep things light and I was devastated but I went with it. In May, he decided that he wanted more and told me he loved me. I was overjoyed and excited to be in a relationship because after all, I’d been single for 4 years. We communicated well, I was able to open up to him about my past hurts, he was supportive of me reuniting my daughter with her father and just was the man of my dreams. I thanked God nightly for him and we began to speak of marriage a few weeks later. I was really over the moon because as you’ve read previously on my blog I deeply desired marriage and thought God had blessed me with this gift and it was about to happen.

Fast forward down a few more months and I had been getting advice from different sources on what to expect in the next phase of our life. I called my Pastor’s wife for her expertise when we had those little arguments and I was actively preparing to be a wife. Now, I know you can NEVER be fully prepared or prepare to be married but I knew there were little issues I had that I’d need to work on before I could marry this man. I did that work and in my mind all things were a go, for him it was not. Recently, we had a petty argument/misunderstanding that I thought we’d brush over. He had been experiencing mixed feelings and decided he wanted to go another direction with his life. Now this has left me baffled, confused, hurt, shocked and so many other things. I’ve been filled with anger and I’ve acted it out on him and I am not happy about that. You just don’t know how you are going to react to someone who has hurt you very deeply. He has been really vocal about his disdain for my treatment of him. I thought how dare he tell me about how he feels after he has driven a knife through my heart and twisted it? The gall of some people but he is right! Just because I am hurting, my job as a daughter of Christ is to still show love and be kind. But how do you show the love of Christ when you are mad at Christ? Yes, I said it, I am angry with Christ because I felt he should’ve saved me from this pain. That’s a trip isn’t it? I’m smart enough to know that God isn’t at fault for this, I am! My relationship with Christ wasn’t even strong when I entered the relationship but here I was expecting him to honor it. I had begun slipping in my bible studies, engaged in some inappropriate conversations with this man but I expected God to cover me in it?

Well my first and most important priority should have been to get right with the Savior. I should’ve stayed connected to the vine instead of running off trying to become married. I should have been working to become whole in Christ instead of making this man my primary focus and neglecting Christ. Truthfully, God spoke to me MANY times in that relationship and gave me warnings not to make him my mini god. I did not listen because I wanted it so bad, I was willing to run through all the warnings and stop signs to get to my fleshly desires.

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This bible verse just completely wrecked me when I read it. Lately, I’ve been seeking God and honestly it has not been with my whole heart. What I mean by that is, I have been hesitant to completely surrender unto him. I’ve been really honest about my walk and my struggles. I wanted to put in a half effort and get great results and of course I learned, God isn’t going to allow that. I have recently been reading a lot of spiritual books, doing a little meditation and increasing my prayer life. Things have been tense but I still know that God has a plan for me, I just need to be still and trust him.

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Today just so happens to be my daughter’s 6th birthday and although I had a great time, my mind was running. Thinking about how I am going to make ends meet and it became overwhelming. As I pulled down her decorations I remembered that I was supposed to start my Jesus Calling devotional yesterday. I came into my room, book in hand and decided I was going to start reading it. As I began to read the introduction, I felt an overwhelming feeling to lay down. I ignored my body but kept on reading and I heard God saying to me, “surrender”. I kept reading trying to ignore the voice I had heard and I heard it again, “surrender”. Now, I’ve heard of this type of thing but I always quietly doubted it because it hadn’t happened to me.

imageimageimage(Photo credit: Sarah Young “Jesus Calling”

I could not even believe that God was pulling at my heart strings like that. He knew my “secret” of trying to run from him so he came and got me. When I say I ended up sprawled out, across my bed with tears streaming down my face, I mean it. All I could do was say, “Lord, I surrender” over and over again! I began to tell him that I’m handing it over to him, the guilt, the shame, the impatience, the impurities, the questioning and doubting him. I could not get up and as I poured my heart out to him, I slowly felt a warm peace come over me. I just laid there with my face in my covers and my eyes closed for a minute as he soothed my worried mind. Before I knew it, all that heaviness I’ve been carrying around for weeks just melted right off of me. I didn’t worry about how people would judge me because of the way my life has been going for the past couple of years. I found comfort in Jeremiah 29:11. I felt comfort in the fact that he has a plan for me and in due time, he will reveal it. I don’t have to stack myself up against someone else’s success because he has me in a special spot. He knows the plans he has for me and my season isn’t here yet but he is working behind the scenes for me. He definitely loves me and he has great things in store for me. No matter how tough things get, he is not leaving me but shaping and molding me. Let’s Pray!

Father God,

I come to you now thanking you for revealing yourself to me in a special way. I thank you for hearing my fears, seeing my tears and coming to remind me of your love for me. Lord, this journey may not be easy but you have not and will not leave me. Father I know that you have my best interest at heart and I bless your name for hiding me until I am more mature spiritually. I know that you have great plans for me and you have come to get your daughter and reassure me that everything is going to be okay. Thank you Lord for loving me even when I didn’t want it. Forgive me for pushing you away and doubting your capabilities in my situation. I surrender unto your direction, unto your word and cast all my burdens upon you because I know you will take care of them. Thank you for sustaining me and continuing to open spiritual doors for me to walk through and learn. It is in your mighty name I pray,

Amen

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I know at times it can be hard to feel and be connected to God. Sometimes it is a lack of faith, current health situation, feeling abandoned by him or just not putting in that work. Are you ashamed to admit it? Do you feel it makes you less of a Christian? Are you angry at God? Well it is normal to have those feelings when you are operating outside of your connection. I can totally relate as I’m going through the season currently. I’ll share with you what is helping me and my prayer is that it will bless you.

Recently, things have gone up and down in my life. From my health to finances to family woes, it has been really trying. I went from studying my word, blogging regularly, praying consistently and connecting to God to none of that. I am going to be honest because someone needs to hear this! It went from thirsting for God’s word to always complaint and throwing myself pity parties. Little by little I stopped reading my bible plan, skipping morning prayer, blogging sporadically and not doing God’s business. Why? Because I became upset with God and where he had me, I felt abandoned. I became so flesh led that I thought “turning my back on him” was hurting him (wow right?). I never realized how much it was hurting me and ruining our connection.

One day I had this profound thought and it was to return to him with my entire heart and soul. I was expecting so much in MY time that I didn’t even acknowledge his timing is perfect. I had to find a way to get back to him so I decided little by little to plug back in. Making prayer my starting point of the day is back on my list. If you want to reconnect to God you HAVE to talk to him and center yourself in his presence without interruption. Don’t give him a quick second and go about your day giving all of yourself to everything/everyone else.

Get in your word: You have to know his word to connect to him because in his silence, his word ALWAYS speaks. That prayer and Bible together is your direct line and connection to him. That is as close as you can get to him when seeking that reconnect. I still struggle because I have that battle of the flesh vs. what I know I should be doing.

Limit distractions: For me, social media can be VERY distracting! If it causes you to covet, lust, question God or spend less time with God, CUT IT until you are spiritually mature. I left Facebook almost 2 years ago and I just deleted Instagram a week ago because I’m not spiritually mature enough to balance. I’ll admit I found myself coveting, questioning and then getting upset with God for where he has me.

Buy yourself some books and read encouraging blogs: I purchased a few books that will pour into me and grow me spiritually. I also browse blogs that have an encouraging word and bring me back. Writing blogs is also a great way to check myself and pour into someone else facing my struggles. I’m brutally honest in my blogs because I want people to know, YES I struggle with these things. I’m not ashamed to share it because I’m better because of it and you will be too.

Have a heart-to-heart with God: Don’t be ashamed, embarrassed or too filled with pride to speak to God. He wants to hear from you! He is waiting for you and I to find our way back. He welcomes us back with open arms and doesn’t beat us down because of our disconnect. Pour your heart out, get back in his presence, start anew and most of all plug back in, your signal is strong.

Standing with you in prayer,

BareFacesPureHearts

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As a single Christian woman you have definitely heard of Boaz. From women saying “waiting for my Boaz” to women saying “don’t rush for your Boaz”. This immediately was intriguing to me but I hadn’t read my bible so I kind of stuck with the “standard” of Boaz. Once I opened my bible I saw that Boaz was a great protector, a good guy but he didn’t have eyes for Ruth. He saw Ruth for her value but he didn’t particularly show an interest in her for a life partner/wife. How many times have WE settled for some one? How many times have we made ourselves available to a man who we hadn’t got confirmation was even interested in us? MANY TIMES! I know this was a leading reason I kept ending up heartbroken, because I wasn’t chosen, I chose.

 

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Walking through the text I came upon Ruth 2:5 where we can confirm Boaz saw Ruth and inquired about who she was. Ruth 2:5 says ,Then Boaz spoke to his servant who was in charge of the workers He asked, “Whose girl is that?” 6. The servant answered, “She is the Moabite woman who came with Naomi from the country of Moab. 7. She came early this morning and asked me if she could follow the workers and gather the grain that was left on the ground. She rested only a short time in that shelter”. You can read on later but this particular passage showed that Boaz was a good guy, he looked out for Ruth. He admired the woman she was, up early trying to find a way to help her mother in law Naomi.

 

 

Once you get into Ruth chapter 3 you can see where Naomi tells Ruth how to get close to Boaz. Keep in mind Boaz is willing to help Ruth, thinks highly of her but he still hasn’t shown a romantic interest in her. Her mother in law, Naomi told her to sit at the feet of Boaz and ask him about marriage. Boaz gives Ruth his word that if the next relative in line will not take her, he will. Now that part right there is where we get to see how the standard of Boaz just doesn’t stand. We know that if you are a great woman, a guy ready for a wife will not pass up on you. He’s not going to risk losing you to someone else because he KNOWS you are worth having. Needless to say, the relative declined because he wanted to keep his own land and didn’t want to risk it. Now that right here speaks volumes because the relative wouldn’t give up his land but Boaz would pass up on such a woman as Ruth? Hmmmmm… The plot thickens.

 

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Boaz does go on to marry Ruth in Ruth Chapter 4 and they even have a son who Ruth gives to Naomi. She knew that Naomi had been given some pain in the loss of husband and sons, so she shared her son with Naomi. Now the thing I have a problem with is, as single Christian women, we are placing ourselves at the feet of men. You know how you have been single for a certain amount of time and you start to go ahead of God? You get sick of having no companionship so you become the flirtatious woman, start approaching men all for the sake of having one? It won’t work because that is not who God has for you. Sure, you can have someone introduce you to a man but if he doesn’t pursue you then he isn’t for you.

In Ruth, I can say she ended up having the happy ending but for single Christian women, you are worth being found. No man should see your value, see what a wonderful servant of God you are but take you on because no one else will. That is an uncomfortable feeling for me, just being  man’s pick because there is no one else to have me and he knows I desire marriage so he takes me on? No, I just can’t agree with that, wrap my heart/head around that notion. Boaz was a great demonstration of how a man will cover you, provide for you but in a relationship aspect, I’m not so sure.

 

As single Christian women,God has a standard for us and if we are obedient, he will bring us a mate. No matter how lonely our nights get, how many years we have to be single, WAIT on God. It might be a struggle but it is so worth it in the end. I’ve been single for 3 years now, I long for marriage, I’m working on my obedience to God but going before his plan just isn’t an option for me. I know that God has someone for me and in his timing, I will be found and be the only pick for him. It might be times I get sad, lonely, frustrated, but I’d rather all those emotions than being a leftover. When you are going through those hard single phases, pray to God and cast your cares upon him. Pour your heart out to God, vent that emotion to him, he is listening.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Image (photo credit: stuffthatsrelevant.wordpress.com)

So it’s the holiday season and you’re starting to see all your married friends family pictures, your friends with their boyfriends and people arranging trips to go home for the holidays. You’re sitting home single and just can’t believe it’s been 5 months, 1 year, 2 years and so forth of you being single. I know you can grow restless in your waiting on God for a mate so I’m here to reassure you that singleness is NOT a disease and get you through your lonely nights.

1. Realize that you are single for a reason: Whether you are recently out of a relationship because of “growing apart”, infidelity, or you realized he/ she wasn’t the one, this is a time to regroup. Coming out of a relationship is very hard, especially if you’ve created a soul tie (will be discussed in a future blog) to someone. You need to realize you left that situation for a reason so don’t fret about being single.

2. DO NOT STALK YOUR EXES SOCIAL MEDIA: If I had $1 for every time someone ran my exes information back to me, I’d be rich! Do not go looking at an old flames Facebook, Twitter, Instagram or e.t.c trying to see what or who they have going on. Realize it’s NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS what they are up to!!! It’s only going to cause you to become sad, depressed and make hell for you to survive the Christmas holiday. Think about it, you’re going to be playing your sad cd with a bottle of Patron looking really ridiculous!

3. Make sure you go spend time with your family: I don’t know about you but cooking on Christmas and enjoying some nice gospel music with my family brings me such joy. You get to be surrounded by family you may have not seen in awhile, eat great food and act silly and not be judged for it!

4. You get to enjoy a quiet house: Oh how I miss those years before becoming a mother! Don’t get me wrong, my daughter is an amazing gift, couldn’t imagine life without her but I MISS SLEEP! When you’re single you control you’re schedule, after work you can just enjoy a nice bubble bath, a glass of wine or even stay up late on Friday nights.

5. You have uninterrupted time with God: When you have a boyfriend or become married you may lose focus on studying your word, going to bible study and your prayer life may even suffer. Sometimes you pray and believe God for your mate and once you get them, it becomes GOOD LOOKING OUT JESUS,BYE! Don’t look at the screen like that, IT DOES HAPPEN! Being single you have time to get lost in your bible, serve in a ministry and fulfill your dreams. The season of singleness is the PERFECT time to figure yourself out, not sit around twiddling your thumbs.

6. Realize this is just a season: You won’t always be single so enjoy the motions of this season. I know when you’ve been single for a substantial amount of time you start thinking you’re going to die single. It’s NOT true, God just hasn’t said it’s your time so if you are submitting to him and following his word, he’ll send him/her. You have standards that you aren’t willing to compromise right? So just have FAITH and PATIENCE in what God is doing!  Let’s Pray!

Dear Lord,

I thank you for waking me this morning, I thank you for keeping me safe, I thank you for being an awesome provider and for loving me in spite of all my flaws. I ask for your forgiveness for any sins I’ve committed today and ask you to create in me a clean heart. I ask that you bring me peace in my season of singleness. I ask that you wrap your arms around me in my times of loneliness and guide me on your path. I understand this is just a temporary situation and trust you to bring a man/ woman into my life in your timing. Forgive me for being impatient and wanting to go before your plans. Your ways breed the best results so I’ll stand still and trust in you to bring my heart’s desires to pass. I love you Lord and you are so amazing, you’re awesome and so worthy to be praised. In Jesus name I pray,

Amen