This is going to be A LOT of writing ┬ájust a forewarning. I’ve found that lately there is an influx of people like myself who struggle with anxiety and depression. I’m willing to share my story to not only feel better but help someone else.

I noticed I was having a struggle with anxiety around the time both of my parents got really ill so maybe 2-3 years ago. Lately it has gotten progressively worst and it’s really a struggle. To get out the bed some days is dreadful. Some days I just want to be in my room, curtains closed and just cry, cry cry. At first I didn’t recognize it was anything but thought I was overly sensitive suddenly. I knew I had these thoughts of I wasn’t good enough, felt like a failure when I couldn’t pass my math class but still I didn’t know this was linked to depression. I felt myself dreading the future, feeling like a fish out of water but STILL I didn’t know this was anxiety. Partially was I thought I had it all together, the other part was I don’t have a chance to be weak because I have so many people depending on me & demanding something of me. That’s another thing I’ve noticed, I have a really hard time saying no and sticking to it. It wasn’t until I spoke to my therapist about my feelings that I found out what was really going on in me.

I wish I could say that it’s something easy to overcome or that you will be over it quickly but I’d be lying. Anxiety and Depression is VERY real, very hard to conquer and takes time to get a handle on. I’m still figuring out daily how to live with it and I’ll say it again, it is very hard! My struggle with it is there is guilt and shame attached to it so it makes me retreat a lot. That’s part of depression, closing yourself off from the world. Isolating yourself from friends, family and social activities is a sign of depression. Those suicidal thoughts, that overwhelming sensitivity, those thoughts of not being good enough, being extra hard on yourself all depression! I’ve had those thoughts of swallowing a handful of pills and ending it all. I’ve had those thoughts of being on the freeway and hitting a high rate of speed and slamming into a wall to end it all. I’ve been there and it isn’t any fun, it’s quite scary actually. What I’m learning is to talk about it and seek help professionally. I’ve learned a couple steps and hopefully you all can share what you do or your experiences with me in the comments.

STEP 1: Understand that this is real, you are NOT alone and that you are valuable. No matter how bad you feel in the moment understand that you ARE valuable, you ARE loved and this isn’t going to take you under.

STEP 2: Make the decision to be around family and friends one day a week. I know you feel like isolating yourself and even hurting yourself is a good decision but it isn’t. Depression & anxiety thrive in isolation so you need to be around people who love you and care for you.

STEP 3: Seek professional help! When you are thinking about ending your life or harming yourself it is time to talk to someone. Pull your closest friend aside and tell them what you are going through as well. You need a network of support, again anxiety and depression thrive in isolation.

These are just a couple of the things I’m doing but I know it’s way more to it than this. I’m no expert, I just know what I’m going through and what is pushing me forward. There’s nothing to be ashamed of here. Many people are silently suffering and I’m making the decision not to suffer in silence anymore. Feel free to comment and let me know how you are coping with this.

 

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