Archives for posts with tag: Kindness

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Wow, it has been some time since I have blogged or really done anything related to BFPH. I’m NOT proud of that so here I am trying to revamp it. I remember being in a really healthy spiritual and emotional place when I first started BFPH. Things have changed in my life this year and I’m going to speak briefly about it. This blog (and others) have been on my heart but I just didn’t share it but look out for it because I’ll be posting more and more about my journey this year. Let’s dive right into this blog though.

So, early this year I had the chance to meet a pretty nice guy. We talked, he knew God, he honored my decision to be celibate until marriage and he is a parent. I fell for him rather quickly but kept my feelings to myself until I got the official word for him on his feelings. In April, he expressed to me wanting to keep things light and I was devastated but I went with it. In May, he decided that he wanted more and told me he loved me. I was overjoyed and excited to be in a relationship because after all, I’d been single for 4 years. We communicated well, I was able to open up to him about my past hurts, he was supportive of me reuniting my daughter with her father and just was the man of my dreams. I thanked God nightly for him and we began to speak of marriage a few weeks later. I was really over the moon because as you’ve read previously on my blog I deeply desired marriage and thought God had blessed me with this gift and it was about to happen.

Fast forward down a few more months and I had been getting advice from different sources on what to expect in the next phase of our life. I called my Pastor’s wife for her expertise when we had those little arguments and I was actively preparing to be a wife. Now, I know you can NEVER be fully prepared or prepare to be married but I knew there were little issues I had that I’d need to work on before I could marry this man. I did that work and in my mind all things were a go, for him it was not. Recently, we had a petty argument/misunderstanding that I thought we’d brush over. He had been experiencing mixed feelings and decided he wanted to go another direction with his life. Now this has left me baffled, confused, hurt, shocked and so many other things. I’ve been filled with anger and I’ve acted it out on him and I am not happy about that. You just don’t know how you are going to react to someone who has hurt you very deeply. He has been really vocal about his disdain for my treatment of him. I thought how dare he tell me about how he feels after he has driven a knife through my heart and twisted it? The gall of some people but he is right! Just because I am hurting, my job as a daughter of Christ is to still show love and be kind. But how do you show the love of Christ when you are mad at Christ? Yes, I said it, I am angry with Christ because I felt he should’ve saved me from this pain. That’s a trip isn’t it? I’m smart enough to know that God isn’t at fault for this, I am! My relationship with Christ wasn’t even strong when I entered the relationship but here I was expecting him to honor it. I had begun slipping in my bible studies, engaged in some inappropriate conversations with this man but I expected God to cover me in it?

Well my first and most important priority should have been to get right with the Savior. I should’ve stayed connected to the vine instead of running off trying to become married. I should have been working to become whole in Christ instead of making this man my primary focus and neglecting Christ. Truthfully, God spoke to me MANY times in that relationship and gave me warnings not to make him my mini god. I did not listen because I wanted it so bad, I was willing to run through all the warnings and stop signs to get to my fleshly desires.

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Image (photo credit: stuffthatsrelevant.wordpress.com)

So it’s the holiday season and you’re starting to see all your married friends family pictures, your friends with their boyfriends and people arranging trips to go home for the holidays. You’re sitting home single and just can’t believe it’s been 5 months, 1 year, 2 years and so forth of you being single. I know you can grow restless in your waiting on God for a mate so I’m here to reassure you that singleness is NOT a disease and get you through your lonely nights.

1. Realize that you are single for a reason: Whether you are recently out of a relationship because of “growing apart”, infidelity, or you realized he/ she wasn’t the one, this is a time to regroup. Coming out of a relationship is very hard, especially if you’ve created a soul tie (will be discussed in a future blog) to someone. You need to realize you left that situation for a reason so don’t fret about being single.

2. DO NOT STALK YOUR EXES SOCIAL MEDIA: If I had $1 for every time someone ran my exes information back to me, I’d be rich! Do not go looking at an old flames Facebook, Twitter, Instagram or e.t.c trying to see what or who they have going on. Realize it’s NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS what they are up to!!! It’s only going to cause you to become sad, depressed and make hell for you to survive the Christmas holiday. Think about it, you’re going to be playing your sad cd with a bottle of Patron looking really ridiculous!

3. Make sure you go spend time with your family: I don’t know about you but cooking on Christmas and enjoying some nice gospel music with my family brings me such joy. You get to be surrounded by family you may have not seen in awhile, eat great food and act silly and not be judged for it!

4. You get to enjoy a quiet house: Oh how I miss those years before becoming a mother! Don’t get me wrong, my daughter is an amazing gift, couldn’t imagine life without her but I MISS SLEEP! When you’re single you control you’re schedule, after work you can just enjoy a nice bubble bath, a glass of wine or even stay up late on Friday nights.

5. You have uninterrupted time with God: When you have a boyfriend or become married you may lose focus on studying your word, going to bible study and your prayer life may even suffer. Sometimes you pray and believe God for your mate and once you get them, it becomes GOOD LOOKING OUT JESUS,BYE! Don’t look at the screen like that, IT DOES HAPPEN! Being single you have time to get lost in your bible, serve in a ministry and fulfill your dreams. The season of singleness is the PERFECT time to figure yourself out, not sit around twiddling your thumbs.

6. Realize this is just a season: You won’t always be single so enjoy the motions of this season. I know when you’ve been single for a substantial amount of time you start thinking you’re going to die single. It’s NOT true, God just hasn’t said it’s your time so if you are submitting to him and following his word, he’ll send him/her. You have standards that you aren’t willing to compromise right? So just have FAITH and PATIENCE in what God is doing!  Let’s Pray!

Dear Lord,

I thank you for waking me this morning, I thank you for keeping me safe, I thank you for being an awesome provider and for loving me in spite of all my flaws. I ask for your forgiveness for any sins I’ve committed today and ask you to create in me a clean heart. I ask that you bring me peace in my season of singleness. I ask that you wrap your arms around me in my times of loneliness and guide me on your path. I understand this is just a temporary situation and trust you to bring a man/ woman into my life in your timing. Forgive me for being impatient and wanting to go before your plans. Your ways breed the best results so I’ll stand still and trust in you to bring my heart’s desires to pass. I love you Lord and you are so amazing, you’re awesome and so worthy to be praised. In Jesus name I pray,

Amen