Archives for posts with tag: Love

This is going to be A LOT of writing  just a forewarning. I’ve found that lately there is an influx of people like myself who struggle with anxiety and depression. I’m willing to share my story to not only feel better but help someone else.

I noticed I was having a struggle with anxiety around the time both of my parents got really ill so maybe 2-3 years ago. Lately it has gotten progressively worst and it’s really a struggle. To get out the bed some days is dreadful. Some days I just want to be in my room, curtains closed and just cry, cry cry. At first I didn’t recognize it was anything but thought I was overly sensitive suddenly. I knew I had these thoughts of I wasn’t good enough, felt like a failure when I couldn’t pass my math class but still I didn’t know this was linked to depression. I felt myself dreading the future, feeling like a fish out of water but STILL I didn’t know this was anxiety. Partially was I thought I had it all together, the other part was I don’t have a chance to be weak because I have so many people depending on me & demanding something of me. That’s another thing I’ve noticed, I have a really hard time saying no and sticking to it. It wasn’t until I spoke to my therapist about my feelings that I found out what was really going on in me.

I wish I could say that it’s something easy to overcome or that you will be over it quickly but I’d be lying. Anxiety and Depression is VERY real, very hard to conquer and takes time to get a handle on. I’m still figuring out daily how to live with it and I’ll say it again, it is very hard! My struggle with it is there is guilt and shame attached to it so it makes me retreat a lot. That’s part of depression, closing yourself off from the world. Isolating yourself from friends, family and social activities is a sign of depression. Those suicidal thoughts, that overwhelming sensitivity, those thoughts of not being good enough, being extra hard on yourself all depression! I’ve had those thoughts of swallowing a handful of pills and ending it all. I’ve had those thoughts of being on the freeway and hitting a high rate of speed and slamming into a wall to end it all. I’ve been there and it isn’t any fun, it’s quite scary actually. What I’m learning is to talk about it and seek help professionally. I’ve learned a couple steps and hopefully you all can share what you do or your experiences with me in the comments.

STEP 1: Understand that this is real, you are NOT alone and that you are valuable. No matter how bad you feel in the moment understand that you ARE valuable, you ARE loved and this isn’t going to take you under.

STEP 2: Make the decision to be around family and friends one day a week. I know you feel like isolating yourself and even hurting yourself is a good decision but it isn’t. Depression & anxiety thrive in isolation so you need to be around people who love you and care for you.

STEP 3: Seek professional help! When you are thinking about ending your life or harming yourself it is time to talk to someone. Pull your closest friend aside and tell them what you are going through as well. You need a network of support, again anxiety and depression thrive in isolation.

These are just a couple of the things I’m doing but I know it’s way more to it than this. I’m no expert, I just know what I’m going through and what is pushing me forward. There’s nothing to be ashamed of here. Many people are silently suffering and I’m making the decision not to suffer in silence anymore. Feel free to comment and let me know how you are coping with this.

 

 

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Hello Brothers & Sisters in Christ, it’s been several months since I’ve blogged. Life has been both bitter sweet for me since November but God IS STILL good and faithful! I’m currently in the middle of wedding planning, back working and trying my best to keep this diabetes in range to be healthy. Pray for and with me as I continue to walk this journey we call life.

Today in particular I got hit with a major curve ball. I’d made this dental appointment four months ago and have been looking forward to it. Well this afternoon I got a call from the office and the receptionist had some financial news for me. She says hey, you have a $567 share of cost, did you know this? My heart sank into my chest because I knew by Monday I wouldn’t be able to pay this. I bellowed out WHAT???!! She says yes, according to documents you’ve submitted, you make too much to qualify for your regular plan. We chatted some more and to make a long story short, I had to give up this appointment. I immediately became angry and began to cry because I hadn’t been informed of this.

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I just sat in my kitchen, tears streaming down my cheeks asking God why. I kept saying Lord, what is this? What is your plan? I said some colorful words too (just being honest) and paced back and forth as I kept pouring out my frustration and sadness to God. It was silent but even in my frustration, even in my anger and even in my sadness, I just choose to believe. I’m not sure why things went awry but I trust God has good reasoning for it.

I find it is so easy to allow the devil to steal your peace or your joy. I had to take my power back, popped on my gospel music and began to praise. My soul is at peace because I know God has my back. His ways and his plan are perfect and if you just hold on a little while he’ll reveal it. Exercise your faith in the midst of adversity and tell God, “Lord I choose to believe, your will your way”. No matter what comes your way, you will absolutely be okay. Not sure who said it first but faith it until you make it and I promise you, it will turn in your favor. Let’s Pray!

Most faithful and powerful Lord,

I come to you now with a open heart and mind. Thank you for protecting me, providing for me and seeing in me what I don’t even see in myself. Father I am faced with what seems like a hardship but I know you’ll make it alright. I choose to believe in you and exercise my faith because you are faithful. I choose to wait on the revelation of your plan and praise you in the midst of it all. Thank you Lord for my husband to be, my daughter and please watch over us as we sleep tonight. In your son Jesus Christ name I do pray, Amen.

 

 

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I know at times it can be hard to feel and be connected to God. Sometimes it is a lack of faith, current health situation, feeling abandoned by him or just not putting in that work. Are you ashamed to admit it? Do you feel it makes you less of a Christian? Are you angry at God? Well it is normal to have those feelings when you are operating outside of your connection. I can totally relate as I’m going through the season currently. I’ll share with you what is helping me and my prayer is that it will bless you.

Recently, things have gone up and down in my life. From my health to finances to family woes, it has been really trying. I went from studying my word, blogging regularly, praying consistently and connecting to God to none of that. I am going to be honest because someone needs to hear this! It went from thirsting for God’s word to always complaint and throwing myself pity parties. Little by little I stopped reading my bible plan, skipping morning prayer, blogging sporadically and not doing God’s business. Why? Because I became upset with God and where he had me, I felt abandoned. I became so flesh led that I thought “turning my back on him” was hurting him (wow right?). I never realized how much it was hurting me and ruining our connection.

One day I had this profound thought and it was to return to him with my entire heart and soul. I was expecting so much in MY time that I didn’t even acknowledge his timing is perfect. I had to find a way to get back to him so I decided little by little to plug back in. Making prayer my starting point of the day is back on my list. If you want to reconnect to God you HAVE to talk to him and center yourself in his presence without interruption. Don’t give him a quick second and go about your day giving all of yourself to everything/everyone else.

Get in your word: You have to know his word to connect to him because in his silence, his word ALWAYS speaks. That prayer and Bible together is your direct line and connection to him. That is as close as you can get to him when seeking that reconnect. I still struggle because I have that battle of the flesh vs. what I know I should be doing.

Limit distractions: For me, social media can be VERY distracting! If it causes you to covet, lust, question God or spend less time with God, CUT IT until you are spiritually mature. I left Facebook almost 2 years ago and I just deleted Instagram a week ago because I’m not spiritually mature enough to balance. I’ll admit I found myself coveting, questioning and then getting upset with God for where he has me.

Buy yourself some books and read encouraging blogs: I purchased a few books that will pour into me and grow me spiritually. I also browse blogs that have an encouraging word and bring me back. Writing blogs is also a great way to check myself and pour into someone else facing my struggles. I’m brutally honest in my blogs because I want people to know, YES I struggle with these things. I’m not ashamed to share it because I’m better because of it and you will be too.

Have a heart-to-heart with God: Don’t be ashamed, embarrassed or too filled with pride to speak to God. He wants to hear from you! He is waiting for you and I to find our way back. He welcomes us back with open arms and doesn’t beat us down because of our disconnect. Pour your heart out, get back in his presence, start anew and most of all plug back in, your signal is strong.

Standing with you in prayer,

BareFacesPureHearts

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I was having a conversation about a recent situation and this bible verse just repeated in my head. It’s amazing how we can be tight with someone and they reveal their heart to you. In the book of  Psalms, Chapter 23 vs. 5 it makes it clear to you that God has a plan when this happens. Sure, like I did,you may wonder if all along this/these people ever were truly for you. In Psalms 23:5 it reads “You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil, my cup overflows”. This verse is so powerful because the pain of releasing toxic, using, just around to get your business or fake friend people is only part of the preparation. God has to purge you of these people because he has amazing things ahead for you. When they turn their back on you, reveal their heart and try to start problems it is only because they can’t go with you. Sure it is hurtful because you thought these were your friends BUT they are not and he is walking you toward true friends. He will make sure they have a front row seat to your success because he shows his power in his works. People believe where you are is as far as you’ll go but they aren’t aware of the God you serve and his plans for your life.

 

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No matter how bad it hurts just remember the goodness of God will cover you. If you are going through these situations and trials he will heal your heart. When you have a heart for God, he swoops down on you and screams to your enemies to back up! He immediately goes to work on your wounds, you just have to be open to the healing process. Yes, you will have good days and bad but it’s all part of the grieving process. The healing for me was to decide not to speak about it anymore but to pray when I’m feeling down. Yes, the people that hurt you will more than likely want an explanation but it is ok to tell them, it’s behind me and I choose to move forward. Once YOU have prayed to God for healing and a forgiving heart, that is the end of it. They can seek their own guidance outside of you! It might sound harsh but you have to remain in the goodness of God. If you relive it with people, you are going to disrupt your progress and get out of the right head and heart space.

 

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In the wake of betrayal and hurt you just get to a point where you decide to move forward. In the bible there are several verses that can assist you in moving on and forward. One thing you can not stop doing is praying, this will bring you through. I believe God has so much in store for me and on the way that he had to excuse people from my life. I’m now more aware of the wolves in sheep clothing so it won’t happen again. Just like in a relationship, you are cautious of who you allow in your life (hopefully) so you have to be that way with potential friends as well. I also know to only entertain people with a heart after Christ. I will entertain people who want to follow Christ but don’t know where to start because they show the desire. I know not to become friends with people who don’t share my same morals, values and lifestyle because they aren’t ready for a friendship with me. They have to come to an awakening and want better for themselves or they won’t be able to give fully to a friendship. Let’s pray!

 

Father,

I come to you thanking you for your love, protection, forgiveness and mercy. Thank you for healing my heart and showing me that where I am is not where I am staying. Thank you for removing the bad because I believe you are preparing to introduce me with good. I thank you for the pain before the preparation because it is working for my good. Going forward Lord please surround me with people who have a heart for you. My desire is to bring more people to you and make your kingdom full with believers and win over unbelievers. I know that you will heal my heart further and I’m looking forward to the greater that is coming. My prayer for the future is that you give me the discernment and strength to release people who are coming to me with ill intentions. Reveal them Father! I also pray for the people who were shown not to be right in my life. Work on them, work in them and give them a heart that convicts and repents. It is in your name these things are counted done and I Pray,

 

Amen

 

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Don’t forget! I run a Single Christian ladies ministry and it has been such a blessing! It is called Bare Faces Pure Hearts and I’d love to encourage and connect with you on your social media. I’m also merging/ leading another Singles Ministry but I’ll release more information on that in the future! God bless you and share, repost and spread my blogs if they are a blessing to you! I’m standing with you in prayer as always! -Ms. McDonald

Twitter: @Wogmovement25

Instagram: @barefacespurehearts

 

 

 

 

 

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I’m feeling very compelled to write this blog because I believe someone else needs this word. Fear of stepping out can be very crippling, it is very scary and also leaves us stagnant. If you are like myself, you can talk yourself out of ANYTHING! I mean meet your next steps with excuses and literally not move from your comfort zone because you are frozen with fear. In this blog I want to help someone get free from the spirit of stagnancy, fear and encourage you to move forward. Something I haven’t disclosed to anyone is, God placed a vision on my heart BUT I haven’t been obedient and it’s eating me up. I began talking myself out of it, making excuses but I know God’s plan for me is good. He knows I’m in a state of fear but I hear him calling me to move. I had to literally silence the voice of fear in my head and say, “Hush, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me – Philippians 4:13 .” In God’s word he has already assured us that we are equipped through him. You don’t need validation from man, he will provide the money to bring it to pass all because you are being obedient to him.

 

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I encourage you to examine why you are fearful. If it is because of rejection just know God wouldn’t have placed it on your heart if he didn’t have people to receive it. He wants this “thing” to be brought to the people because it will help someone. You will bring someone in to him, falling on their face and connecting with our awesome God. If it is because you feel you’re too messed up or have done too much wrong, you’ve been forgiven. I always say there is healing in the process, there is growth in our pain! I struggled for a long time with the opinion of people because they know my past. The simple truth is when you repented GOD wiped your slate clean and doesn’t hold who you once were against you. The opinion of people means absolutely NOTHING when God already stamped his approval on it. When God is handing out blessings he doesn’t ask anyone for their opinion or what you did. He judges you off of the pureness in your heart so shake that off.

 

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The next thing you should do is trust God enough to move when he tells you to. You may be praying and saying you have faith but not showing it. What if God has your blessing at the next step of where you are supposed to be stepping? You could literally be holding yourself back just by not being obedient. If you are not sure how to move your feet, PRAY and ask for the wisdom. I’ve been reading The book of Proverbs lately because I want more wisdom. In Proverbs you are constantly reminded of what a blessing it is to be wise. God will direct you and guide you through the vision he places on your heart. He will NEVER place it in your heart to leave you out wondering if he is there with you as you follow his vision for you.

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Bare Faces Pure Hearts is something God placed in my heart in November 2013. I fought it, I didn’t believe it was from him and I was even scared to share it with people. Again, I felt like people really advanced in the bible would question me. I also felt people would have trouble receiving it from a woman so young. I had so many thoughts, so many excuses BUT I finally followed God’s direction and created a platform for it. This ministry focuses on Single Christian Women who are celibate, interested in becoming celibate and need encouragement through the word of God. I’m pouring back into women that all the standards of beauty in the world are not relevant because God has told us in his word what true beauty is. I’ve been through a storm but God delivered me and is now using me as a vessel to bring his love for us back into focus. ( Follow @barefacespurehearts on Instagram) Let’s pray!

 

Father,

Here I am, your vessel needing a touch from you. You’ve given me a vision and I ask that you release the spirit of fear from my life. I want to spread your word, follow your direction and I know your plans for me are GREAT. As I travel this journey called life, I ask that you keep your hand on me and elevate me because I am now ready. Lord thank you for choosing me in spite of my past and the opinions of others. I’m so happy you see the best in me even when I don’t feel at my best Lord. In your awesome and mighty name I pray,

Amen

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Have you ever had to swallow a big slice of “humble pie” and it went down like glass? I mean it was such a beautifully decorated piece of pie but the taste was awful! Something you never would touch again, something you’d warn your friends about when they got a plate to get a slice? Well I’m glad because I’d like to change your mind and ask you to try many slices because there is growth and lessons in each bite.

 

For quite some time I’ve been praying for God to help me change, help me grow and just do a total work in me. The shock was in how much I’d have to change the person I’d always been. I was raised very well, great person, would give you the shirt off my back, run across a busy freeway to rescue you BUT I was broken in many ways. Even with all those qualities, I needed a touch from God and at one point fought the process. Lately, I’ve been praying for God to convict me in gossiping, my “potty” mouth, parenting and in my areas that could be harmful to my future spouse. What I didn’t know was how hard it would be and how defensive I’d become when he did check me on it.

A few weeks ago I was engaging in a conversation FULL of gossip, I mean just laughing, enjoying, going back and forth with new developments and all in. Clear as day, as if God were on three way with me I heard ” That’s gossip”! Ohhhhh that smile wiped from my face, the laughter stopped abruptly and I immediately started correcting the conversation and got out of it. When I hung up, I started making excuses for the behavior and it felt so wrong but I felt like “God understands, he knows my heart”. Did I even know my own heart in the moment? No! 

Also, with my daughter I’ve been facing some challenges with giving her my full time. Yes, I’m getting better daily but I did make up lots of excuses to hide my mess. The pride in my heart was saying, I raise her alone, she’s with me everyday, I deserve some time to “be an adult” and she is just going to have to find something to occupy herself  sometimes. The conviction God gave me was, you aren’t spending as much time with her as you can, she is a child so you have to nurture her and even though she is with you daily, if you push her away she is going to feel unwanted, unimportant and like your “adult time” is more important than listening to her 30 second story. This is so raw for me to write but it is my TRUTH and I’m better because of God humbling me. Now I make it a conscience effort to hold her, kiss her, sing silly songs with her, tell her I love her, give her my undivided attention and erase the adult time to cater to her and connect with her. Yes it IS work, yes it IS challenging BUT I’m working daily to do it, I’m praying hard to continue doing it, I’m joining parenting plans in my bible app that remind me of the gift that she is and all children are.

Another area is my “potty” mouth and yes I’m totally embarrassed about it and you better believe I’m praying for God to cleanse me of it. Back in the days where I wasn’t so open to having a relationship with Christ, just identifying myself as Christian I wasn’t ashamed of it. I felt like the curse words just finished a sentence so perfectly and meant not to mess with me. I remember sitting in the cafeteria of my college, just cursing up a storm, laughing and a lady from my church went there and turned around and said “Who doing all that cussing”? I said with such pride “ME! Oh yea girl I cuss like a sailor, I don’t give a….” You finish the sentence but I’m typing this right now feeling sooooo embarrassed BUT GOD! I’ve been working to curve it and a lady at my church told me it’s work and to pray about it. You NEVER understand the impact of your behaviors and words until God completely wrecks you and puts you in the situation to hear someone else speaking the way YOU once did. Now, it just stings my eardrums and I see how ignorant I sounded and what horrible example I was setting for my own daughter and it checks me. 

The last thing I’ll discuss is working on areas in myself that could be harmful to my future husband. I’m the first to tell you I’m believing God for a God-lead, God-fearing, totally submitted to God husband! In the past I didn’t think I could do ANY wrong because I was “so good” to my boyfriends. I had been jaded so I went into relationships with trust issues, thinking I was perfect and even belittled one of my exes. I thought foolishly if you were “good in bed” (shouldn’t of been engaging in premarital sex), could throw down in the kitchen (doing a married woman’s duty), treated them well and would be there through thick and thin, I was IT! Like the total package, can’t nobody touch this, no competition. Now I missed the fact that COMMUNICATION was big, with no trust there is no relationship, belittling a man will only drive him away and “good sex” won’t make him stay. Now in doing my work and reading my word I understand that a marriage is sacred to God, it’s going to be constant compromise, sex is for marriage (been celibate for 2 1/2 years), a SOLID relationship with Christ is going to hold us together when we feel like falling apart and God has to be our foundation. I understand communication is going to be key because if we hold in our struggles, we’ll resent each other, become disconnected and infidelity may occur. I also understand to create a place of peace in our home, no man wants to walk into hell after a long day of work! Even guard our threshold, not to let any and everybody trail through our house because I don’t know what spirits may come in with them. I won’t write all the things God has given me in this area but these are the most important.

Had I not taken time to seek God to become better I wouldn’t of gotten to this very place. Pride is a VERY dangerous and nasty thing to operate out of. God said in his word that it’ll destroy us so we can’t afford to stay in such a nasty area. If you are struggling with pride I encourage you to just fall on your knees and pray. Cry out to God, repent, ask him to change your heart and just touch you in a special way. He’s waiting on you to get in his presence and ask for help! Don’t leave him there waiting, run to him and get that comfort and healing only he can give. He wants you to be better, he wants you to grow stronger in your walk and he loves you. He knows you’ll fall short, yet he loves you unconditionally anyway. Nurture that relationship with him, dedicate your entire being to him and watch how he changes you. You won’t even recognize yourself once he starts shaping and molding you into his beautiful image. 

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So I know first hand how hard it is to wait on God to reveal his plans for our lives. You get impatient, you get discouraged, you get stressed and possibly depressed but trust his timing. This last week hasn’t been easy for me, I’ve had my health come under attack and it has left me a little sad. While going through the motions and the days of sadness I just ran across this verse. Jeremiah 29:11 which reads; for I know the thoughts that I think toward you, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you an unexpected end. Doesn’t it seem as though God is punishing you at times? The hell rages on, the bad news just keeps coming and you don’t know where to turn besides right back to the same God, you may be doubting. Well hopefully after this blog you can be encouraged that God is standing right there and has good plans for your life.

 

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For about a year I’ve been seeking employment, praying for things my heart desires but never stopped doing my own self work. I realized I had some things I needed to work on before I could even think of asking God for more. I’ve been doing that work and still praying daily and at times I’ve gotten discouraged but I understand God has a plan. Now if it was my plans, I’d be married, working, living on my own and enjoying an abundant life with no worries. With God, that just isn’t his plan, even in my discouragement I could look back and say God isn’t going to leave me hanging. All my needs were met but he still is doing a work in me and requiring more of me before he can elevate me. At times it has felt like I’ve been left right in the middle of Hell, he turned his back on me but the truth is, he didn’t. God has a way of humbling us and bringing us right back to him.  I have a couple tips for you in your times of trouble and will hopefully giving you a new perspective. 

Tip 1: Increase your faith, decrease your thoughts: When you are thinking too much and fussing at God you are giving the devil glory. Set your faith in motion and start claiming your freedom from the situation right now! God hears every prayer and just because he hasn’t answered them right now doesn’t mean he isn’t going to answer them later. 

Tip 2:  Do a motive check: Whatever you are asking God for, make sure it’s not for selfish reasons. When you get that house, will you run any and everybody through it? When you get that job will you be a faithful tithe giver? When your health gets better will you turn back around and feed it poison? These are all things you need to think about when going to God for things. 

Like I mentioned before God has a plan for our lives, we don’t need to help him. He has everything set for his timing and we just have to trust him and increase our faith. I know first hand that it isn’t always the easiest thing to do and we think God needs help but HE DOESN’T. Just reflect on any time where you were in a situation and couldn’t see your way out. Didn’t God step in, clean up your mess and still love you like you’d never done anything? Yes, he has done it for me and I just thank him for his perfect timing. I know my health is going to improve, I know my plans take a back seat to his and I will continue to trust him. Will you?

Let’s pray,

Father God,

I come to you with a humble heart and a mind set on you. Thank you Lord for your plans and your perfect timing. I ask that you hear my heart and comfort me in times of distress. I know you will not leave me hanging and out to dry. You are such a gracious God and you have great thoughts toward me. I’ve never seen the righteous forsaken and never will because I am your child. In your name I pray,

amen

 

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About a month ago my Pastor called for a corporate partial Daniel fast at church. I’d NEVER done a fast in my life so I was excited UNTIL he told us we could only have fruits and vegetables plus water for a week. If you know me, you know I am a total foodie, I love to create recipes, snack and eat what I like. I thought well I need to lose some weight so maybe this will slow me down on my bad eating habits, I can strengthen my prayer life with Christ and connect with him on a deeper level. That first day was BRUTAL, but i fought through it, prayed continuously, studied my word and felt like I could make it. By day 3 I was frustrated, moody and I cracked and ate some chicken nuggets. I went to bible study and saw everyone was still on the bandwagon so it gave me the strength to continue and I’m glad I did. I made it to day 7 and had a new outlook on life, finally had a stable prayer life and was back reading the bible. So I’m going to give you 5 things I learned on the fast and hopefully you can take from it.

1.) God calls us out of our comfort zones to show us his strength through us: I never thought I’d be able to skip food for 6 days. I didn’t know that I was stronger than the food I’d been consuming. God definitely showed me his strength through that week and spoke to me in several ways.

2.) You can always improve in your relationship with God: When you are in a relationship with a person, you feed it, you call, go out and enjoy each other’s company. With God, it is sometimes easy to get comfortable and place him on a back burner because the job, the kids, the classes, the life is just busy. God wants all of us, he wants us to seek him and lay at his feet and connect with him.

3.) God hears your prayers but they have to align with his will for your life: We make plans and God will not honor what we ask for if it doesn’t align with where he is taking you. Just think about the things you ask him for; if he gave them to you imagine where you would be. I’d be divorced because that man I was with wasn’t right, I’d be homeless because I was irresponsible with money and I’d be miserable at that job because it didn’t bring glory to God or support families.

4.) You are stronger than that “thing” that has you bound: Whether you have an addiction to food, people or things, when you do something for God he will loose it. If you ask him to free you from it, he will swoop in and free you from it!

5.) God’s word is serious and he speaks to us through it: I would read the bible and still not understand what he was trying to tell me. It wasn’t until I started asking him to reveal it to me and actually tuned in to him that I understood what he was saying. He speaks, maybe not the answers we want but he definitely speaks and clearly.

So those are my things that I learned from doing a partial Daniel fast and hopefully in whichever fast you do, you can reference this. God will speak to you in subtle ways, you just have to be willing to accept his answers.

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I want everyone who reads this blog to read Hebrews Chapter 11 vs. 1-40. The verse I want to touch on is verse one and it states “Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen”. Now I know when you are believing God for things, it can be extremely difficult to have faith and its especially hard when people are getting “your” blessings. I mean you can  just about scroll any of your social media and see that job you were believing God for, someone got it! That car you’ve been praying over, someone got it! That engagement you’ve been waiting on, oh look someone has got that too BUT it is THEIR time.Do you have faith to get you through your pain and disappointment? Well after this blog I believe you will, travel with me for a second.

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So a week ago i wrote in to a local agency trying to see my status on a apartment. I’ve been on the list now for 3 years and won the lottery but never heard anything back. About 4 days ago my phone rang and it was a lady from the agency. Her voice was full of enthusiasm and she confirmed my information and told me something would be out in the mail. I was so excited thinking, YES, this is finally it, I am going to finally get my own place. Oh that letter came BUT it sure didn’t have the words I wanted to see written on the lines! It read “you are active on the waiting list” and with some asterisk it said we won’t be giving any vouchers out through 2016 .OHHHHHH I was beside myself with grief and disappointment BUT I kept a positive attitude. I immediately went to telling my heart to be quiet, sucked those tears back into my eye socket and tried to keep smiling. I said out loud, well God has something better for me so this is just a “not yet”. On the inside my flesh was going crazy, I was fussing at God, asking why, why, why, I’ve been faithful,been celibate, I’ve paid my tithes every month for the last year and asked how he could do this to me. I just could not understand why a servant following God’s commands would be slapped down once again and expected to have this thing called faith.

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 I was beyond hurt, disappointed, discouraged and plain ol wanted to throw myself a pity party BUT I didn’t do it. I instead told God, “God this hurts so bad, I don’t understand it but I trust you”. “I don’t like the way this feels, I don’t want to smile though it but you know what you are doing so I just have to keep believing in your timing and decisions”. My faith was and is bigger than that disappointment, that rejection definitely hurt but I know better things are up ahead. Remember God knows the desires of your heart and he will give them to you but you have to submit to him first. I can admit, I stopped reading my bible and thirsting after him the way I once was. I had to snap myself back into gear and realize if I can’t be consistent with what he requires of me, why would he give me more? I haven’t nurtured the things he’s already given me so God isn’t going to give me more. Know that God has a way of getting your attention and if you don’t listen, he’ll make it plain and sting!

Another thing that you can rest in is he doesn’t run out of blessings! He has all power in his hands and he will definitely have a portion for you in his timing. No amount of pouting, crying and feeling sorry for yourself is going to speed up that timing. You should also learn to celebrate others, when they get that thing or those things you’ve been praying for, BE HAPPY FOR THEM! That means he is making his way around to you but make sure you are in alignment with him. I have gotten back on my blogging, reading my bible, praying without ceasing and just feeding my spirit over my flesh. I’m even looking to host some events for the ministry he placed on my heart (look out for that). Sure I want that house, looking forward to that relationship, believing him for new employment, praying over a new car but I understand to nurture my relationship with Christ first. If he can’t trust me with a little, when I get a lot he knows I’ll be placing him on the back burner so he’s strengthening me in this time. Sure at times it feels like lack but I’ve learned many things just by sitting back and observing other people’s mistakes. Let’s Pray!

Father God,

I come to you tonight thanking you for the many things you are doing in my life. You have sustained me through my season of unemployment, been a comforter on my lonely nights, given me a car that runs and even made sure I haven’t missed any meals. Lord, I appreciate the love you’ve shown toward me, even when I haven’t always shown it back to you. I come to you father asking that you forgive me for my sins, forgive me for a lack of faith at times and give me strength to keep going. Yes Lord, it hurts to be denied my wants but I know you have something better for me in YOUR timing. I may not like the way it feels, I may not like the time it takes to get what I’m believing you for but I surrender it unto you. Thank you Lord for giving me a spirit of belief, love, hope, faith and assuring me that you are in the blessing business. In your name I pray,

Amen

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Let me start off by saying some people may not agree with my method and for various reasons. I completely understand some people feel people are lazy, don’t work hard enough, plain old selfish and also struggling BUT I hope I can change your views by the end of the blog. If you read your word (Bible), God spoke of the poor being with us always and helping our fellow brother and sister and it left me to think; who is helping? Let me explain to you why this blog HAD to be written and how you CAN apply it to your life and the way you handle people.

This past week I was rolling down the highway, music blaring and a smile on my face. The exit came up, I took it and as I turned back around, there sat a young man with a sign. I didn’t even get to read the sign because I was scrambling so hard for the dollars I had in my purse. As I came to the light, I shut my music off, rolled down my window and his head turned my way. He jumped up, grabbed the dollars and I went to turn my music back on BUT he started to talk. I leaned close to the window and he said, man I really appreciate this because I’ve been out here for 2 1/2 hours and have only gotten $1. I said really? He said yes, people just roll their windows up and keep passing me. I said aww man, that is not right and the light changed green so I told him God bless you and pulled off. As soon as I took that left turn my eyes filled up with tears and I started praying for that young man. I was tore UP, because I couldn’t imagine how that must have felt to be continuously passed by people who COULD help. People who have the money in their wallet but they are so full of human thoughts instead of God’s love that they will not help.

Let me make it real plain for you, the person you snare your nose at, roll your window up on, yell get a job to COULD BE AN ANGEL!!!!!!! Just imagine with all the things you pray to God for, he snaring his nose at your sinful self, OHHHH WAIT, NO he sent his son to die for you! As horrible as your sins are/were, as bad as you were before you knew him, he STILL thought that much of YOU. So ask yourself, how can I treat someone so harshly because they need help? What in YOU thinks to forget God informing us the poor will be with us always? I’m really passionate about it because I’ve been hungry, I’ve ran out of gas, food and anything else you could think of. It was NEVER that I was lazy, a “hustler”, not trying hard enough or any of those things, it was because I had simply ran out of money to supply it. God places people there that can help you on your journey, it may not come in ways we imagine but he places people there that SHOULD help.

Maybe it is just me but I’m believing God for too much, to be stingy or looking down my nose on someone needing help. I need help FREQUENTLY so I can’t look down on someone I mirror. Just because I’m not on a corner, in unclean clothes and unkempt hair DOES NOT mean I don’t face struggles. You can walk around in your fancy clothes, drive a nice car, live in the “best place in your city” and FEEL like you are doing better than some BUT; our graves all look the same. When you die, your amenities and possessions cease to matter because you get buried in the same grave yard as those people you once looked down on. What you should be concerned with is if God will turn you away for all the people you turned away. Ohhhh you can fall out in the pews on Sunday mornings and Wednesday nights but if your heart is not in the right place, God will deal with you accordingly. Never think God has a VIP section in heaven because he does NOT, you’ll be judged with those people and they may get in while you get turned away.

Going forward to today, I left church after receiving an amazing word and confirmation in my own situation. I was floating on cloud 9, in my spirit, feeling light and ready to conquer the day’s task. I pulled into the Wendy’s parking lot, got my daughter out the car and there sat a man. He appeared really young and had a kind of harsh demeanor so I got kind of scared, but kept walking toward the door. My sister was behind me with her daughter and as I pulled the door open, I heard him say something to her. She responded and I asked what he had said to her and she said he asked for food. I went inside, stood in line, ordered my food BUT I ordered something for him as well. As we left I opened the door, bent down and tapped his shoulder and he turned around. As soon as he saw that bag, that harsh demeanor melted right off of his face and went into a gorgeous smile. I smiled back and said this is for you and here you go as I handed him money as well. He said oh that’s whats up (slang terms in Oakland: thank you), thank you and before I could even say you’re welcome and God bless you, HE SAID IT FIRST! I immediately thought, God sent me here to bless you and showed his love through me. Now his face was probably so unfriendly because he had sat out there, people walking by laughing with their food in hand and wouldn’t even help. 

A take away from this blog is, it could be you one day! All it takes is for you to lose your job and there you will be needing a hand out. There is no feeling like hunger, no lie, being hungry is NOT a good feeling, even if you are fasting. Just imagine fasting and somebody sitting in front of you with a big cheese burger, fries and a good soda. You have the option to break your fast but imagine being hungry and someone having the money but not helping you. I doubt you would feel very good and GOD does NOT shine on you when you treat people that way. Refocus yourself and show people the love of God, help them if you can and do it with a pure heart and good intentions. There’s a statement that I absolutely despise and that is; ” GET A JOB”. Ohhhhh when I hear it, I almost lose my religion and curse people out. When people say that my rebuttal is, well you have a job and you’re that stingy/nasty so why would I want to get a job so I blend in with you? When I do get a job, I will continue to help people because I remember what it feels like to need help. Yes I’m from the grimy streets of Oakland, Ca BUT I’m good, I love the Lord, I treat people as I want to be treated, I run a Christian blog and I’m not passing judgement on anybody. God knows my heart is in the right place, he knows that I kill my flesh daily to bring glory to his name and spread his word. Does God know that about you? He SHOULD and if he doesn’t you’ve got some work to do.

 

Before I close this blog I want to call your attention to my ministry Bare Faces Pure Hearts, it is very new and I’m very happy to announce I’m on Instagram: barefacespurehearts , Twitter: @Wogmovement25 and will be launching a website VERY soon. I promote celibacy, celebrating yourself as a single, removing the hair weaves AND make-up and getting into the love of Christ. I know in today’s society it is hard to love yourself the way God does so I’m refueling our young, old and middle aged single women through the word of God. Connect with me, pray with me,share my blogs, tell a friend and most importantly READ YOUR BIBLES! Read the rest of this entry »