Archives for posts with tag: Season Of Singleness

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I know at times it can be hard to feel and be connected to God. Sometimes it is a lack of faith, current health situation, feeling abandoned by him or just not putting in that work. Are you ashamed to admit it? Do you feel it makes you less of a Christian? Are you angry at God? Well it is normal to have those feelings when you are operating outside of your connection. I can totally relate as I’m going through the season currently. I’ll share with you what is helping me and my prayer is that it will bless you.

Recently, things have gone up and down in my life. From my health to finances to family woes, it has been really trying. I went from studying my word, blogging regularly, praying consistently and connecting to God to none of that. I am going to be honest because someone needs to hear this! It went from thirsting for God’s word to always complaint and throwing myself pity parties. Little by little I stopped reading my bible plan, skipping morning prayer, blogging sporadically and not doing God’s business. Why? Because I became upset with God and where he had me, I felt abandoned. I became so flesh led that I thought “turning my back on him” was hurting him (wow right?). I never realized how much it was hurting me and ruining our connection.

One day I had this profound thought and it was to return to him with my entire heart and soul. I was expecting so much in MY time that I didn’t even acknowledge his timing is perfect. I had to find a way to get back to him so I decided little by little to plug back in. Making prayer my starting point of the day is back on my list. If you want to reconnect to God you HAVE to talk to him and center yourself in his presence without interruption. Don’t give him a quick second and go about your day giving all of yourself to everything/everyone else.

Get in your word: You have to know his word to connect to him because in his silence, his word ALWAYS speaks. That prayer and Bible together is your direct line and connection to him. That is as close as you can get to him when seeking that reconnect. I still struggle because I have that battle of the flesh vs. what I know I should be doing.

Limit distractions: For me, social media can be VERY distracting! If it causes you to covet, lust, question God or spend less time with God, CUT IT until you are spiritually mature. I left Facebook almost 2 years ago and I just deleted Instagram a week ago because I’m not spiritually mature enough to balance. I’ll admit I found myself coveting, questioning and then getting upset with God for where he has me.

Buy yourself some books and read encouraging blogs: I purchased a few books that will pour into me and grow me spiritually. I also browse blogs that have an encouraging word and bring me back. Writing blogs is also a great way to check myself and pour into someone else facing my struggles. I’m brutally honest in my blogs because I want people to know, YES I struggle with these things. I’m not ashamed to share it because I’m better because of it and you will be too.

Have a heart-to-heart with God: Don’t be ashamed, embarrassed or too filled with pride to speak to God. He wants to hear from you! He is waiting for you and I to find our way back. He welcomes us back with open arms and doesn’t beat us down because of our disconnect. Pour your heart out, get back in his presence, start anew and most of all plug back in, your signal is strong.

Standing with you in prayer,

BareFacesPureHearts

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As a single Christian woman you have definitely heard of Boaz. From women saying “waiting for my Boaz” to women saying “don’t rush for your Boaz”. This immediately was intriguing to me but I hadn’t read my bible so I kind of stuck with the “standard” of Boaz. Once I opened my bible I saw that Boaz was a great protector, a good guy but he didn’t have eyes for Ruth. He saw Ruth for her value but he didn’t particularly show an interest in her for a life partner/wife. How many times have WE settled for some one? How many times have we made ourselves available to a man who we hadn’t got confirmation was even interested in us? MANY TIMES! I know this was a leading reason I kept ending up heartbroken, because I wasn’t chosen, I chose.

 

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Walking through the text I came upon Ruth 2:5 where we can confirm Boaz saw Ruth and inquired about who she was. Ruth 2:5 says ,Then Boaz spoke to his servant who was in charge of the workers He asked, “Whose girl is that?” 6. The servant answered, “She is the Moabite woman who came with Naomi from the country of Moab. 7. She came early this morning and asked me if she could follow the workers and gather the grain that was left on the ground. She rested only a short time in that shelter”. You can read on later but this particular passage showed that Boaz was a good guy, he looked out for Ruth. He admired the woman she was, up early trying to find a way to help her mother in law Naomi.

 

 

Once you get into Ruth chapter 3 you can see where Naomi tells Ruth how to get close to Boaz. Keep in mind Boaz is willing to help Ruth, thinks highly of her but he still hasn’t shown a romantic interest in her. Her mother in law, Naomi told her to sit at the feet of Boaz and ask him about marriage. Boaz gives Ruth his word that if the next relative in line will not take her, he will. Now that part right there is where we get to see how the standard of Boaz just doesn’t stand. We know that if you are a great woman, a guy ready for a wife will not pass up on you. He’s not going to risk losing you to someone else because he KNOWS you are worth having. Needless to say, the relative declined because he wanted to keep his own land and didn’t want to risk it. Now that right here speaks volumes because the relative wouldn’t give up his land but Boaz would pass up on such a woman as Ruth? Hmmmmm… The plot thickens.

 

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Boaz does go on to marry Ruth in Ruth Chapter 4 and they even have a son who Ruth gives to Naomi. She knew that Naomi had been given some pain in the loss of husband and sons, so she shared her son with Naomi. Now the thing I have a problem with is, as single Christian women, we are placing ourselves at the feet of men. You know how you have been single for a certain amount of time and you start to go ahead of God? You get sick of having no companionship so you become the flirtatious woman, start approaching men all for the sake of having one? It won’t work because that is not who God has for you. Sure, you can have someone introduce you to a man but if he doesn’t pursue you then he isn’t for you.

In Ruth, I can say she ended up having the happy ending but for single Christian women, you are worth being found. No man should see your value, see what a wonderful servant of God you are but take you on because no one else will. That is an uncomfortable feeling for me, just being  man’s pick because there is no one else to have me and he knows I desire marriage so he takes me on? No, I just can’t agree with that, wrap my heart/head around that notion. Boaz was a great demonstration of how a man will cover you, provide for you but in a relationship aspect, I’m not so sure.

 

As single Christian women,God has a standard for us and if we are obedient, he will bring us a mate. No matter how lonely our nights get, how many years we have to be single, WAIT on God. It might be a struggle but it is so worth it in the end. I’ve been single for 3 years now, I long for marriage, I’m working on my obedience to God but going before his plan just isn’t an option for me. I know that God has someone for me and in his timing, I will be found and be the only pick for him. It might be times I get sad, lonely, frustrated, but I’d rather all those emotions than being a leftover. When you are going through those hard single phases, pray to God and cast your cares upon him. Pour your heart out to God, vent that emotion to him, he is listening.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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I’m feeling very compelled to write this blog because I believe someone else needs this word. Fear of stepping out can be very crippling, it is very scary and also leaves us stagnant. If you are like myself, you can talk yourself out of ANYTHING! I mean meet your next steps with excuses and literally not move from your comfort zone because you are frozen with fear. In this blog I want to help someone get free from the spirit of stagnancy, fear and encourage you to move forward. Something I haven’t disclosed to anyone is, God placed a vision on my heart BUT I haven’t been obedient and it’s eating me up. I began talking myself out of it, making excuses but I know God’s plan for me is good. He knows I’m in a state of fear but I hear him calling me to move. I had to literally silence the voice of fear in my head and say, “Hush, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me – Philippians 4:13 .” In God’s word he has already assured us that we are equipped through him. You don’t need validation from man, he will provide the money to bring it to pass all because you are being obedient to him.

 

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I encourage you to examine why you are fearful. If it is because of rejection just know God wouldn’t have placed it on your heart if he didn’t have people to receive it. He wants this “thing” to be brought to the people because it will help someone. You will bring someone in to him, falling on their face and connecting with our awesome God. If it is because you feel you’re too messed up or have done too much wrong, you’ve been forgiven. I always say there is healing in the process, there is growth in our pain! I struggled for a long time with the opinion of people because they know my past. The simple truth is when you repented GOD wiped your slate clean and doesn’t hold who you once were against you. The opinion of people means absolutely NOTHING when God already stamped his approval on it. When God is handing out blessings he doesn’t ask anyone for their opinion or what you did. He judges you off of the pureness in your heart so shake that off.

 

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The next thing you should do is trust God enough to move when he tells you to. You may be praying and saying you have faith but not showing it. What if God has your blessing at the next step of where you are supposed to be stepping? You could literally be holding yourself back just by not being obedient. If you are not sure how to move your feet, PRAY and ask for the wisdom. I’ve been reading The book of Proverbs lately because I want more wisdom. In Proverbs you are constantly reminded of what a blessing it is to be wise. God will direct you and guide you through the vision he places on your heart. He will NEVER place it in your heart to leave you out wondering if he is there with you as you follow his vision for you.

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Bare Faces Pure Hearts is something God placed in my heart in November 2013. I fought it, I didn’t believe it was from him and I was even scared to share it with people. Again, I felt like people really advanced in the bible would question me. I also felt people would have trouble receiving it from a woman so young. I had so many thoughts, so many excuses BUT I finally followed God’s direction and created a platform for it. This ministry focuses on Single Christian Women who are celibate, interested in becoming celibate and need encouragement through the word of God. I’m pouring back into women that all the standards of beauty in the world are not relevant because God has told us in his word what true beauty is. I’ve been through a storm but God delivered me and is now using me as a vessel to bring his love for us back into focus. ( Follow @barefacespurehearts on Instagram) Let’s pray!

 

Father,

Here I am, your vessel needing a touch from you. You’ve given me a vision and I ask that you release the spirit of fear from my life. I want to spread your word, follow your direction and I know your plans for me are GREAT. As I travel this journey called life, I ask that you keep your hand on me and elevate me because I am now ready. Lord thank you for choosing me in spite of my past and the opinions of others. I’m so happy you see the best in me even when I don’t feel at my best Lord. In your awesome and mighty name I pray,

Amen

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Have you ever had to swallow a big slice of “humble pie” and it went down like glass? I mean it was such a beautifully decorated piece of pie but the taste was awful! Something you never would touch again, something you’d warn your friends about when they got a plate to get a slice? Well I’m glad because I’d like to change your mind and ask you to try many slices because there is growth and lessons in each bite.

 

For quite some time I’ve been praying for God to help me change, help me grow and just do a total work in me. The shock was in how much I’d have to change the person I’d always been. I was raised very well, great person, would give you the shirt off my back, run across a busy freeway to rescue you BUT I was broken in many ways. Even with all those qualities, I needed a touch from God and at one point fought the process. Lately, I’ve been praying for God to convict me in gossiping, my “potty” mouth, parenting and in my areas that could be harmful to my future spouse. What I didn’t know was how hard it would be and how defensive I’d become when he did check me on it.

A few weeks ago I was engaging in a conversation FULL of gossip, I mean just laughing, enjoying, going back and forth with new developments and all in. Clear as day, as if God were on three way with me I heard ” That’s gossip”! Ohhhhh that smile wiped from my face, the laughter stopped abruptly and I immediately started correcting the conversation and got out of it. When I hung up, I started making excuses for the behavior and it felt so wrong but I felt like “God understands, he knows my heart”. Did I even know my own heart in the moment? No! 

Also, with my daughter I’ve been facing some challenges with giving her my full time. Yes, I’m getting better daily but I did make up lots of excuses to hide my mess. The pride in my heart was saying, I raise her alone, she’s with me everyday, I deserve some time to “be an adult” and she is just going to have to find something to occupy herself  sometimes. The conviction God gave me was, you aren’t spending as much time with her as you can, she is a child so you have to nurture her and even though she is with you daily, if you push her away she is going to feel unwanted, unimportant and like your “adult time” is more important than listening to her 30 second story. This is so raw for me to write but it is my TRUTH and I’m better because of God humbling me. Now I make it a conscience effort to hold her, kiss her, sing silly songs with her, tell her I love her, give her my undivided attention and erase the adult time to cater to her and connect with her. Yes it IS work, yes it IS challenging BUT I’m working daily to do it, I’m praying hard to continue doing it, I’m joining parenting plans in my bible app that remind me of the gift that she is and all children are.

Another area is my “potty” mouth and yes I’m totally embarrassed about it and you better believe I’m praying for God to cleanse me of it. Back in the days where I wasn’t so open to having a relationship with Christ, just identifying myself as Christian I wasn’t ashamed of it. I felt like the curse words just finished a sentence so perfectly and meant not to mess with me. I remember sitting in the cafeteria of my college, just cursing up a storm, laughing and a lady from my church went there and turned around and said “Who doing all that cussing”? I said with such pride “ME! Oh yea girl I cuss like a sailor, I don’t give a….” You finish the sentence but I’m typing this right now feeling sooooo embarrassed BUT GOD! I’ve been working to curve it and a lady at my church told me it’s work and to pray about it. You NEVER understand the impact of your behaviors and words until God completely wrecks you and puts you in the situation to hear someone else speaking the way YOU once did. Now, it just stings my eardrums and I see how ignorant I sounded and what horrible example I was setting for my own daughter and it checks me. 

The last thing I’ll discuss is working on areas in myself that could be harmful to my future husband. I’m the first to tell you I’m believing God for a God-lead, God-fearing, totally submitted to God husband! In the past I didn’t think I could do ANY wrong because I was “so good” to my boyfriends. I had been jaded so I went into relationships with trust issues, thinking I was perfect and even belittled one of my exes. I thought foolishly if you were “good in bed” (shouldn’t of been engaging in premarital sex), could throw down in the kitchen (doing a married woman’s duty), treated them well and would be there through thick and thin, I was IT! Like the total package, can’t nobody touch this, no competition. Now I missed the fact that COMMUNICATION was big, with no trust there is no relationship, belittling a man will only drive him away and “good sex” won’t make him stay. Now in doing my work and reading my word I understand that a marriage is sacred to God, it’s going to be constant compromise, sex is for marriage (been celibate for 2 1/2 years), a SOLID relationship with Christ is going to hold us together when we feel like falling apart and God has to be our foundation. I understand communication is going to be key because if we hold in our struggles, we’ll resent each other, become disconnected and infidelity may occur. I also understand to create a place of peace in our home, no man wants to walk into hell after a long day of work! Even guard our threshold, not to let any and everybody trail through our house because I don’t know what spirits may come in with them. I won’t write all the things God has given me in this area but these are the most important.

Had I not taken time to seek God to become better I wouldn’t of gotten to this very place. Pride is a VERY dangerous and nasty thing to operate out of. God said in his word that it’ll destroy us so we can’t afford to stay in such a nasty area. If you are struggling with pride I encourage you to just fall on your knees and pray. Cry out to God, repent, ask him to change your heart and just touch you in a special way. He’s waiting on you to get in his presence and ask for help! Don’t leave him there waiting, run to him and get that comfort and healing only he can give. He wants you to be better, he wants you to grow stronger in your walk and he loves you. He knows you’ll fall short, yet he loves you unconditionally anyway. Nurture that relationship with him, dedicate your entire being to him and watch how he changes you. You won’t even recognize yourself once he starts shaping and molding you into his beautiful image. 

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When you are single the statement “You attract who you are” can be very damaging to your soul. As a woman of God, you read the words God says about you and it seems to conflict with what the world is saying. What voice should you listen to? Why is this stigma placed on single women, waiting to be someone’s good thing? Is this statement really true? How can you respond to people who throw this at you? Lets explore the topic and hopefully by the end of this blog you are empowered, feeling full of knowledge and ready to take on anyone who says this to you.

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First let me explain to you that singleness is NOT a disease, a curse or a cruel punishment from God. Singleness is beauty and you get to learn yourself on such a level. You are given the chance to follow God, uninterrupted and figure out your calling and purpose as it relates to pleasing Christ. I myself am doing A LOT of self work, changed my horrible attitude, connected with God, got into my word really deep, chose a life of celibacy and got on this pursuit of bringing glory to God. This blog and my soon coming ministry #BareFacesPureHearts are apart of my journey to finding myself and doing God’s business. As a single Christian woman I’ve found people tell you to constantly change to be found by a man. It’s always something we could do better or more of in the eyes of the world; whether it be changing our dress attire or changing who we are. None of those things are going to speed up God’s timing for when you find your husband so don’t be fooled.

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I’ve been single for a couple of years now and all I see is “You attract who you are” and it’s simply not true. I get approached by drunken and old men and that is NO reflection of me. I’m 25 so there goes the you’re older so that’s why the old men want you and I do not drink so there goes that theory too. God has a plan for your love life so if you attract broke, old, drunk, thuggy, living off their potential, gold digging, unattractive men, this has NOTHING to do with you. You are beautifully and wonderfully made and God wouldn’t send you someone who will subtract from your life. Don’t spend your time trying to make yourself up or change who you are to be found by a man. The man for you is going to love you from the moment he sees you, accept you flaws and all and love all the woman of God that you are.

What voice should you listen to? You should read your bible and see what God says about you. The world has a different standard of what beauty is. To the world beauty means; heels, long straight hair, thin framed, face full of make-up, money falling out your wallet because it’s so full and name brand clothing. None of those things are beautiful, all those things are cover ups to hide a deeper rooted issue that they are battling on the inside. To God beauty is on the inside of you, God searches your inner so that’s where your focus should be. You are most beautiful when your life pours out Christ from every fiber of your being and you are bringing people to Christ. Listen to God’s voice and follow his direction!

Why is this stigma placed on single women waiting to be someone’s good thing? Single women get this stigma placed on us because some are desperate. Some women can’t stand to be single so they settle for less than they’re worth and will change themselves to get a man. Single women also get this stigma placed on them because they let too many worldly people speak into their lives. You MUST be careful who you let mentor you or speak into your life! Everyone isn’t for you and sometimes they don’t even have the rules together themselves.

Is this statement really true? Absolutely NOT! This is one of the most ignorant misguided statements to ever be created! If you know you are aligning your life with Christ, you are fine. If you know you are living a life dedicated to Christ, he will definitely send you the man you deserve. Though the single season can last a long period of time, don’t EVER settle. Wait on God to bring this man into your life! No matter how long you are single, remember God has someone set aside for you and you will come together when HE sees fit!

How can you respond to someone who throws this at you? You let them know that you are fearfully and wonderfully made and no matter who comes your way, that won’t change. Remind them that you know you are someone’s good thing and you aren’t going to be shaken by the statement. Let them know they should pick up their bible and find out what God says about them and tell them don’t speak that death over you. 

One thing you can rest assured in is God has the final say over your life, NOT man. If God says you’ll be single then that’s what it is, you aren’t going to change his mind. I know it’s easy to get discouraged and feel like you might be in this season forever BUT you won’t. You attract who wants to come over and try you but that doesn’t mean you have to entertain them. When someone doesn’t line up with your standards show them the exit. Don’t be afraid to tell people no thank you or you aren’t fitting the mold for a man of God. Sure they may get offended but you have a right to turn them down and not feel bad about it. Let’s pray!

Dear Lord,

I come to you today thanking you for all you’ve done for me, thank you for loving me and protecting me. I ask you forgive me for any sins that I may have committed today and restore me. As your daughter I ask that in your timing you send my mate and let us bring glory to your name. I thank you for showing me the way you feel about me and what I should require in a man who wants to be apart of my life. My heart belongs to you and I have faith that you’ll bring me a man who has asked you for me first. Thank you Lord for showing me my worth! In your name I pray,

Amen